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Thread: Feeling depressed due to turning 30 and having alw

  1. #11
    Knight of Spamswotting by Highest order of Chufty Badges Jarre's Avatar
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    Hi Lundi and welcome to the forum. Boy does this remind me of me when i was your age ( i turned 40 last week) blokes are complete knobs when the subject of "have you done it" comes up in sometimes childish ways and I must tell you to preseve and ignore, a high proportion of men who have lost it at a younger age could fall into many categories and I can assure you it may have been memerable for ways they do not wish to be known or can't even remember it becuase they were drunk or not wanting to. Society is wrong to put so much pressure on a person should have done it by x time as it basically takes away the passion and experience when a mindset is on to get it over with as quick as possible and a high percentage of times the first time is with someone they wont have a relationship with. Now don't get me wrong this is not always the case, but this is what I have seen with my own eyes and have dealt with the aftermath of. My first and only tiem was with a friend who offered to help me get it over with and it was then that I understood what I really wanted in life and it wasn't just someone to sleep with and do the deed I actually just wanted a person to snuggle up to and feel safe with, sex was a bonus not a necessity and I was to focused on getting it done than the real want. So what if it takes some time to find a partner for the deed but make it to find someone you can love and who will love you then when the time is right the deed can follow but would be in such a better atmosphere and special rather than finding someone quick who you don't share anything with just to say you screwed someone. Men are dicks we know that so ignore them they will most likely have stories they don't want to be known and women are jsut as bad with other women on the subject. Sex is something to enjoy and feel relaxed doing, the world these days sees it differently and the whole act is just pushed as something else


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    OldMike (03-09-19),Suzi (03-09-19)

  3. #12
    Yes, San Francisco is not only the tech capital of the world, but it is also the gay capital of the world. It creates this weird dynamic where there are a lot more men than women, especially in my age group. I wonder sometimes if I were back in the UK I would not be in this situation.

    I did try one speed dating event a few years ago. It was terrible and I very expensive, costing $45 (around 35 quid).

    I go to meetups which are in bars, but nothing really happens. In SF I usually see women in groups, and men in their own groups, and many times they do not intermingle. In addition, I am naturally awkward. I am not as shy as when I was younger, but I have this awkwardness that makes me appear robotic.

    Hi Jarre,

    Thanks for responding. Yes, males are idiotic when they pressure and insult their peers about being virgins. I have had my fair share, so I do not even mention it to them anymore.

    I remember there was some semi-celibrity who was a male virgin at age 30 due to religious reasons. Still, I saw that the media, especially women, made fun of him over and over with comments like "What is wrong with him?". And that was just one man practising abstinence. Imagine what they would say about someone like me, who is not practising abstinence, but it just never happened for me.
    Last edited by Suzi; 03-09-19 at 10:52 PM. Reason: Merging posts, please try not to double post! :)

  4. #13
    Knight of Spamswotting by Highest order of Chufty Badges Jarre's Avatar
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    The media is very toxic these days on everything and is a small part to blame for common thinking, everythign these days has to have some sexual inuendo or link to sell stuff, to make scandles etc etc. and theirs clothing aimed at teens etc which is another thing entirely and has many arguments about whether its right or not. I digresse I'd jsut ask you to give yourself a break, ignore the others live life how you want and not rush into anything.


  5. #14
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    The thing is, women aren't that mysterious, try going over and just saying "hi"... Start the conversation, join a group - try dancing or running or something and just be you! Sex comes later, just get out there and start talking to people!
    Please always remember that I am always right. I have a framed certificate to prove it.

    When in doubt, stop and think... WWSS? (What Would Suzi Say?)
    For more info please see
    THIS thread


  6. #15
    I suppose that that is the problem. What is easy for most men is difficult for me.

    I will attend a meetup this Sunday where the age group is around ages 30-70. I try not to expect anything, since I am used to disappointment.

  7. #16
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    It's NOT easy! Don't ever think that it is. Both my husband and one of my daughters have social anxiety and I know how hard they find social situations....

    So, you like competitive chess? Are you any good?

    Do you not have any hobbies or interests that can help you get out and meet people - or what about meeting people online?
    Please always remember that I am always right. I have a framed certificate to prove it.

    When in doubt, stop and think... WWSS? (What Would Suzi Say?)
    For more info please see
    THIS thread


  8. #17
    As a teenager I was selected to be a member of the American delegation in the World U18 Championships. I won the U18 championship of my state (I leave out the exact years because anyone could look me up on the chess databases and find out who I am quite easily). I was indeed thinking of being a professional chess player as a career, but I chose to attend university instead. Since then, I have not played very much at all, and I have yet to earn my grandmaster title. I plan to do so when I can though. But yes, I have always taken chess very seriously.


    Chess is a heavily male sport/activity though. Even high level chess tournaments are segregated by gender. I love foreign languages too, but there are few good meetups for that here. I tend to be bad at very touchy activities such as dancing.

    Meeting people online would not be bad. I would not mind talking with women from Europe, Britain, Australia for example. But other than dating apps, where nothing happens for me, I never found a forum that is specifically for that.

  9. #18
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Are you on Facebook? Sometimes I've known friends to meet their partners through being friends of a friend etc...

    Congrats on the chess - I'm really cr(p at chess, no matter how much I practise - my son came 2nd when he was in year 7 beaten by one of their teachers who was a chess champion!

    What about work? Any social occasions?
    Please always remember that I am always right. I have a framed certificate to prove it.

    When in doubt, stop and think... WWSS? (What Would Suzi Say?)
    For more info please see
    THIS thread


  10. #19
    Yes, I am on Facebook. A lot of people I know are usually either in relationships/engaged/married or on the other side, similar to situations like mine, but usually without the virginity problem.

    I know quite a few males my age who are single and struggling with dating. They usually talk about how there is an excess of males in this city, which is true. But since they are single too, since they are technically competing with me, any woman whom they know they would probably try to get to know her better instead of trying to introduce her to me.

    Generally here, any type of social gathering is almost certain to skew heavily male. I will have to make do with that for now, until I move out of the country.

  11. #20
    As for chess, when I was around 11 or 12, I could have formed relationships with some of the few local girl players my age. My awkwardness really messed that up, because years later some told me that they had liked me, but found my awkwardness and anxious demeanour quite off-putting.

    If I had found girlfriends from chess much younger, I probably would not be stuck in the rut that I am now at 30.

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