I Despise Myself *SU TRIGGERS *

[Jaquaia]

You never have to apologise for getting things off your chest. It's your thread and if people don't like what you write, they don't have to read it!

Can I ask how you would have liked her to respond?

[Penguin]

You never have to apologise for getting things off your chest. It's your thread and if people don't like what you write, they don't have to read it!

Can I ask how you would have liked her to respond?

Well the basic story is I broke down, admitted everything I hate about myself, that I know most of it is my fault and that makes me angry at myself even more. Admitted I had thought of ways of ending it but didn't have the 'bottle' so to speak. Then around 10 mins after this she said she was just going out to do this favour.

Honestly I felt she should have stayed, postponed the favour and just stayed and been there for me especially being in that state.

However as I said I do know I'm not really thinking 'right' at the moment and possibly I've been selfish. I admit I still think she should have stayed, even just as a shoulder to cry on to use the phrase, but I could well be wrong and others may think differently. I suppose I was just looking for others' take on it? Like from a neutral point of view as I know everyone can be selfish and blame others at times including me.

[Jaquaia]

I have to say I don't think it was selfish of you to expect support from the person you share your life with. Especially considering how distressed you were. It's really not surprising that you're upset with her at all

She may not have known how to respond but listening at least would have been something

[Suzi]

It's really hard to hear that your life partner is having suicidal thoughts. It's really hard to know what to say and what not to say. She may have just not known what to say or do....

I will be 100% honest with you and say that my now husband has said some really hurtful things to me when he was having a breakdown (like that he didn't know if he loved me or our children) and it hurt like hell. I also know that hearing it meant I knew everything and I then knew more about what I was dealing with - rather than being sure that he'd found someone else etc.... Sit down with her and tell her. Tell her everything in your head. Tell her the things which are going to help and those which are going to make it worse. Or get her to join here (we can move you to the men's only section and give her access to the female only section so you both have somewhere private to talk) as talking to others and being able to ask them the questions I needed answering was the biggest help to me....

[Tommy_85]

Well today has been horrendous. I apologise if anyone feels down by this but this is the only platform I feel comfortable to speak on.

Obviously mentally I'm not in a good place right now and while I'm not going to use this to sling mud or throw insults I really feel like I have almost no support from my partner at all. I can't tell my brother or mum everything as my mum is very ill at the moment and the stress would make her worse and I don't want to worry my brother either, he has a family of his own. My partner is the only one who knows everything. I totally accept I'm not the easiest person to live with at the moment and I don't expect anyone to pander to me, however I do expect support as I have and would support her.

When I first made this post yes I was having suicidal thoughts, I can't lie, I broke down that same day and of course my partner sat there and listened. Literally around 5-10 mins after, she was tapping away on her phone and went off to ferry a dog to another house (it wasn't work or anything, she was doing a favour). A similar thing happened today.

Am I right to feel unsupported? Honest opinions please if anyone would like to answer. I certainly know the world doesn't stop on my account and everyone has to get on with their lives but I can't help feeling this was a bit heartless 2bh. I don't know, maybe my mental state is making me have a skewed vision of things. I really feel right now it's best we split up and I live alone and try to help myself first but then of course I'm wondering am I just being too sensitive because of how things are at the moment?

Sorry for the negative rant to anyone who may read this I just really needed to get this off my chest.

I personally think it's very unsupportive and shows a lack of love and empathy after hearing something so serious from a partner, to just come across as uninterested and give other things priority. When I was in a relationship I had depression at the time and feel like my
partner didn't understand or give a basically. I don't think it's something I would ever forget,being so low you are contemplating suicide
and it takes a hell of a lot of inner strength to have a conversation like that. To give my honest opinion I feel as if you don't need a partner like that. A lot of time people stay in relationships because they are just stuck in a rut. Only you know if she is right for you but I think she is very cold and uncaring for not attempting to understand or offer love, support and help.

[Strugglingmum]

Could it be possible that what you told her scared the crap out of her and she was basically running away because she didn't know what else to do???
I'm not excusing her at all but it might not be that she doesn't care but that she is so scared of how you are feeling she doesn't know what else to do.
Mental illness scares the crap out of some people because they are scared of saying/doing the wrong thing or not handling things right. I'm sorry but it's true. Talk to her and tell her how it made you feel when she left. She may be petrified of what you are saying and maybe not great at talking about feelings emotions etc.

[Penguin]

Thanks everyone for the input.

That's exactly how I feel. I wasn't expecting answers as it is impossible to know what to say. In many ways its like on here, sometimes all you can do is offer support and hope it gets better. I told her everything that was on my mind and I wasn't expecting any answers as such and I know it would have been very difficult to listen to. Yet from my perspective, if she had told me she was feeling suicidal, I certainly wouldn't have left the house regardless of the reason!

Anyone who has read from the start will know I fully accept responsibility for my failures, I've buried my head in the sand and I have no problem admitting that I am at fault for that. However yes, I do firmly believe she was very cold hearted to say the least and yes right now I do feel Tommy is right, I don't need somebody like that. I'm not here to chuck insults as we all have our faults but I can honestly say I wouldn't leave her side if she told me something like that. Will be a big upheaval of course but I need to start looking at somewhere else to live as putting it bluntly that was a proper kick in the nuts.

I would much rather be alone and figure out in my own mind how to change the other issues I've brought up. Thanks again everyone it has helped a lot being able to talk like this.

[Penguin]

Could it be possible that what you told her scared the crap out of her and she was basically running away because she didn't know what else to do???
I'm not excusing her at all but it might not be that she doesn't care but that she is so scared of how you are feeling she doesn't know what else to do.
Mental illness scares the crap out of some people because they are scared of saying/doing the wrong thing or not handling things right. I'm sorry but it's true. Talk to her and tell her how it made you feel when she left. She may be petrified of what you are saying and maybe not great at talking about feelings emotions etc.

I have thought about this and that's why I brought it up here. I told her how it made me feel today and the answer was just 'I didn't realise, I came back as quick as I could.'

[Tommy_85]

I think in life you get a sense for people who genuinely care and worry about you and people who don't. I think a lot of people who haven't had depression don't understand it.
Everybody is not the same and people react to things differently. Some people are sensitive and empathetic people and others aren't. People who suffer with depression and other mental health issues need compassionate, supportive people around them. To confide in somebody your deepest worries and miseries and get next to nothing in return is just awful.

[Jaquaia]

You could show her the Time to Change website, and I agree with SM, tell her how it made you feel when she left. What I do know is I had no support from my ex, in fact he frequently told me it was a fake illness, and it was horrible. My partner has had nothing but abuse and being accused of playing on it, and actually having his depression used as a threat to take the children full-time by his soon-to-be ex-wife and it almost destroyed him. If a relationship is making you feel that way then is it worth staying? I think you need to have a serious heart-to-heart about how you're feeling about your relationship and how much her reaction hurt you