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Thread: Another introduction

  1. #1

    Another introduction

    Hi,

    I read many threads on here from people who've suffered extreme trauma in their lives that I'm wondering if I have right to post here The truth is I don't know why I am the way I am, there is not cause. I just feel like I don't fit in and don't belong.

    People talk about the 'impostor syndrome' at work. Well I feel like I have the impostor syndrome on life. It just seems that life comes naturally to everyone but I just don't get it. I suppose I felt inadequate as a child because I was terrible at sports and not exactly a shining star academically either. But it really kicked in as a teenager, when peoples opinions mattered more than anything, but although I had a kind of circle of friends, I never felt comfortable interacting with people. This developed into full on social phobia by the time I was 19.

    I was on Prozac for a time by 22 which made me less depressed but didn't really feel like it helped at all.

    I'm 43 now, and I'm still not socially competent, but it just manifests in not being interested in social situations. I have my lunch on my own and I'm happy like that, so to speak. But I feel wrong and that I'm missing out. Is this just how my brain has come to cope with social anxiety? I suppose I do prefer to feel less anxious.

    I can hold a job together, and I'm grateful for the fact that I'm good at what I do and it pays the bills, but that is pretty much the only thing I'm good at. It doesn't really give me any fulfilment. I've always had a created urge but I've been terrible at everything I've tried which always leaves me frustrated. I just constantly feel empty and meaningless.

    I have a partner who has had her own problems and I don't think either of us has been particularly understanding of each other's issues. I think I might have blown it with here anyway.

    I don't buy all this stuff about how you should 'just talk to someone' or 'open up'. I don't think anyone is interested, it's just an inconvenience to them.

    Sorry for just ranting on, just feeling really down right now.

  2. #2
    Librarian and chief holder of antiquities and biscuits Jaquaia's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome. You will always find someone to listen here.

    Depression doesn't have to have a reason. Just because someone has suffered trauma doesn't mean that your suffering is any less valid.

    Have you ever had any counselling?
    Tên përdu, jhamâi së rëcôbro

  3. #3
    Thanks for replying. Yes I did have counselling once. I just came away with the impression that the counsellor was out of their depth which just freaked me out even more.

  4. #4
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome to DWD. Have you seen your Doctor recently? What kind of support network have you got?
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


  5. #5
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome. Has it been 20 years since you were last on anti depressants? And have you talked to your doctor recently about how you’re feeling? I’m a little older than you and have been depressed since I was 16 and I know that attitudes towards depression have changed significantly in the time frame.

    As for being an inconvenience, I can promise you that we here are definitely interested and you can really benefit from talking to people who understand
    The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

  6. #6
    Sorry for saying I was depression was an inconvenience and no one is interested. That's just how I feel sometimes and yesterday was pretty bad. I'm better today. Had a good chat with my partner and things are sorted out. Only issue is I agreed to go for counselling and I've mentioned my reservations about that. I haven't seen my doctor, I know what they will do and sometimes I think that won't be a bad option. Yes it has been 20 years since I've been on antidepressants. Support network wise, I only really have my partner, maybe a couple of mates, but I find it hard to open up as I feel people aren't interested.

  7. #7
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    You are judging people without even giving them a chance to be there for you.
    What is is you think is going to happen at the Drs?
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
    You are judging people without even giving them a chance to be there for you.
    What is is you think is going to happen at the Drs?
    I realise my statement about saying people aren't interested is out of order, I apologise for that. It was what I felt at the time. I still think it a bit but depression distorts our thinking, and I accept this may be one of the things that may have been distorted. It may also be based on the fact that I am not particularly good and helping other people with their depression myself. I know that's bad but I hope the fact that I recognise it counts for something.

    I think if I go to the doctor's they will send me for token course of counselling then stick me on Prozac.

  9. #9
    Walker extraordinaire!
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    Hi decades. I was diagnosed with depression over 3 years ago. I, on the outside, looked like I had it all together but on the inside I was falling apart. depression doesnt discriminate.
    I didnt want to tell anyone I had depression. I was ashamed and embarrassed. I saw myself as weak.
    However, I have to say that when I did finally start talking about it a lot of people were actually supportive. They may not have understood what exactly it meant but they did try to stand with me. I did lose some friends because I didn't want to meet up etc but I have found a deeper friendship with others.

    Your GP really is a good starting place. I have had different antidepressants as some didn't help but I'm still trying others because I want my quality of life to improve. I don't want to be this way always.
    Same with counselling . I don't always enjoy it but I know that talking helps me have a better understanding of what is going on in my head and the steps I can take to challenge the negative thoughts.
    I know when everything seems to be against you it is hard to reach out for help because it feels safer not to try than to reach out and be disappointed but I can honestly say from my own journey, it's only when you reach out that anything can start to improve. Hope your journey is a safe one.
    Check out my Calandoniacrochet Facebook page.

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to Strugglingmum For This Useful Post:

    Suzi (26-08-19)

  11. #10
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Counselling can make a huge difference, as can finding the right kind of medication - there are over 20 regularly used so if you've experience with one then it doesn't mean that another may not work...

    How are you today?
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


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