Hello Everybody

[Nick310771]

Hey AAndrea that is the plus side of this site - theres lots of us out here that feel the same - it doesnt make it better for you maybe but if you can talk to someone that understands then that can be a help - well it helps me
Its all relative and its not about people having it harder than you its about you and how you feel - just ask or chat or sound off ...no job today doesnt mean no job tomorrow - you have a degree which is incredible - being single isnt forever and no one on here judges anyway ..
i am now unemployable due to my depression and its a daily battle to come to terms with it but there's still lots you can do in the meantime to keep you busy or get help with CVs, ideas for what you want to do..,.

[Dizmo]

Hi,

I'm new to this forum and thought I'd say a quick hello. My name is Stuart however most people online call me Dizmo or Diz.
Nice to meet you all.

\o/

[Suzi]

Hi Diz, nice to meet you, why don't you start your own thread so you don't get lost on the end of this one?

[AAndrea]

Hello everybody
I am on the brink of giving up all together and don't know what to do.
I realise I have nothing to offer the world my ideas are stupid and have no value , I lived for 22 years and accomplished and have nothing with my life .I gradauted from university with a 2.1in law but 50% of the population go.i never been in a relationship . I am living at home with family ( Mum and Nan) who take of care of me . I feel guilty because my mum is a single parent see . I should be looking after myself self financialy.
i have never worked in my life how many 22 years do You know never a had a job .It now being reported unemployment is at its lowest level in the UK . Everyone my age works . In Britain if you don't work you are loser according to the dailymail. Most of the population read the dailymail.
Most people don't care about mental health. More people would sign a petition banning Donald trump rather than campaigning against NHS waiting lists .
when I point out the fact time to talk campaigns , mental awareness by celebrities , mental health awareness week are nothing but unhelpful and fake campaigns because the mental health services are inaccessible to be general public. no one seems to tackling it .Celebrities despite their suffering can still get help easliy in a way the public can not .
When I point Out the fact the system is the problem . The health care system.is broken due poor decisions made by poltiocians. Social institutions does more to exclude people with mental health problems from participating in life . We see it with driving and the DVLA , universities with their discriminatory fitness to sit policies
I point these things out I get criticised. No one shared my frustation.
What good I am to.anyone
I am not a wife or girlfriend to someone
I am not an employee
I am not normal enough or crazy enough
I am nothing but a stupid little girl.
I always wanted a career in the civil.service or local.Government. Brexit and while handling of it has me disillusioned with politics and our political system all together.
. I wanted.a career in helping people.
I volunteered as a gateway assessor in the citizens advice during university but it was terrible experience. The whole thing made me never want to work.with people again.
The whole thing me realise made me relalise I just useless.

[magie06]

Please take a deep breath.
I didn't meet my husband until I was 28, I don't work, I didn't have my daughter until I was 38 and the mental health system here is ten times worse than the NHS.
Life is not a race. You will get there when you get there. Just look at those so called celebrities. You don't know what goes on behind their closed doors. They may seem to have it all, but they have problems just like everyone else.
Please stop comparing yourself to everyone else. You are you and unique. In the 7 billion people in the world there is only one you. Why blend in when you were made to stand out?

[Suzi]

You are far from useless. Have you spoken to your doctor or a helpline etc and actually got some medical help?

There are so many options open to you. What about speaking to a careers advisor etc?

[OldMike]

Brilliant post Magie

Andrea I lived with my parents till my mid 50's and after they died I ended up living alone but hey nothing wrong with that and you are far from useless you got a law degree and are far from stupid, your posts are very articulate. I'll echo what Suzi said you should make an appointment to see your GP.

[Tommy_85]

Andrea you might be very disillusioned with life at the moment but things will turn around. You seem a very kind, thoughtful woman. Don't compare yourself to others
you are unique. 22 is the start of your life (relatively speaking) I myself suffer with depression and despair about my life and the thing that keeps me going is knowing I am not alone
in how I feel, nor are you. Sending all my Love x

[AAndrea]

Thanks Tommy_85.
People say i am young but it does not feel that way. I feel like it is all over .
University/academia was my life . I loved being in a deep learning environment but i dont feel like doing a masters degree.
My closet friend from university is in spain working as an au pair and wont be back until december. My other frieds are working or doing a masters.
My uni careers serivce is not that helpful i have been during univeristy. They sit and show you the prospects website or say get an internship. I have taken thier all thier leaflets
I feel like i have nothing to live for.
No job , no boyfriend , most days i am just a home .
Everyday was the same wake up, watch tv or job seech or if it thrusday i have my driving lessobs . I have no purpose anymore .
I smile but deep down i want to die .
I have failed to be a real adult it so humilating . I should be working , in a relationship .
I feel gulity not having responsiblites. I feel gulity for beijg taken care of by my family.
My nan says i should not but i do.

Thanks for your response magie06 it has helped. I feel like i am under all this pressure to get it right. I put myself under a lot of pressure i wished i did not but this is something i cant control
We are always told go to school, go to university , get a job and married and then you pass away
I feel i should be working immeditaly and feel gulity the fact that i am not.
In the eyes of the law i am an adult but emotionally i am immautre. I realise i am just a stupid little girl.
Coming from a single parent it just makes it worse. Finincally we are not struggling as a family but still feel gulity though.
I feel like am embrasment to my family.
They say thrre proud but come on.
I smile everyday but deep down i want to die as the future absoulety terrifies me.
Sometines i feel like indont deserve life .
I wish i was not this way.

Hey Suzi i am currently preparing to apply to a gradaute scheme
I plan to apply for the september 2020 intake the NHS managment gradaute scheme for the HR role . Appplications fpr the september 2020 intake open in ocober .
I have made long list for grad schemes i like to apply and losted thier deadlines.
Everyday is just the same wake up take iron tablets watch tv or job seearch.
My closet friend from university is spain working as au apair . I feel like have nothing to live for.
I feel like is my life now . I feel like everthing is over.
My family ( Mum nan younger sister) are suppprtivie and finically stable.
I feel gulity .
I should be working becuse i am an age i am supposed to be working
Coming from a single parent home you learn to keep thinfs to yourself as your mum has it tough enough . I feel gulity not having my own income . My nan says i should never feel gulity but i do.
I smile when i am at home but deep down i want to die.
All gps do tell me to make referal to iapt. Iapt dont deal with sucidal people it says so on thier website .
I watched bbc last night and they were talking about how antidepressants are addictive .
I am bit worried about being prescribed.
My nan laughs at people on anti depressants .
I am tired of living but i have not got the strengh to kill myself.

Thanks everybody for the thier response. I appreicate it .
I am aware there people worse off than i am but i just cant stop feeling like a failure.
No NHS therpaist will take ny feelings seriously.
I am not nornal enough becuase of my persistent sadnsss i have but not a typical person with deprssion. We are told people with depression have messed up lives. My life is not messed up. My depression came out of nowhere literally.
On the outside i am happy but deep down i want is to vanish like forever . I fubction so well.
I feel like i am disapperaing .
My biggest fear about ageing is am going to lose my quirkly personality, my strident feminist attitude and passion for equality .
I fear i will become boring or worse a wage slave in his hierachal capitialist society .

[Jaquaia]

The only way things will change will be if you do something to change it. I know that potentially sounds harsh and unhelpful but it's true. Therapists WILL take your feelings seriously, if not, they have no business being a therapist. If you're suicidal then you need to push for help and contact your local crisis team if you need to. What have you got to lose by trying therapy? It will help you work through the thoughts in your head and find coping mechanisms. Constantly calling yourself a failure and stupid will not help as all you are doing is reinforcing the negative view you have of yourself. You are barely a quarter of the way through your life according to the average life expectancy of the UK. Your life is far from over, you have potentially 40+ years to work, longer to study or travel. I'm 35 and have only just found the courage to do what I want to do. I only decided on what I really wanted to do a couple of years ago. It will take me until I'm nearly 40 to qualify yet I will have a good 25 years to practice. My life isn't over, nowhere does it say that you must know what you're doing and be doing it by the time you finish uni.

It's also worth realising that normal is a social construct and that it is a fallacy that people with depression have messed up lives. A lot of people have events that caused their depression, trauma or bereavement or stress for example, but it doesn't make their lives messed up and it's not always the case. Sometimes depression just is.