I waited for so long before posting this, trying to wait for this feeling to pass but it didn't.

I am 37, My wife (31) had a very difficult pregnancy, with the risk of giving birth to our boy on week 26 due to uterus shortening. She started having problems at week 8 and she was forced into total rest for basically 90% of her pregnancy. During this period of time i did everything i could to help her (housekeeping, cooking, cleaning etc) while working full time.

Thankfully our boy was born just 1 month before the due time in April and he is perfectly healty ( he is now almost 4 months old). The first 3 months have been a nightmare in terms of sleep. He suffered from colics who went on all day and all night long, and we really were on the limit. Her parents helped us a lot. She often slept at their house when i worked until 10pm and from 8 am the day after (i work shifts in the airport).

We own a dog, a 9 years old german shepherd who has been with me even before i met my wife. She has been, on average, the only "being" that has stood by my side in these last nine years. She has hip displasia, she had surgery on one leg that costed me 4000euros and 2 months of post-surgery of total dedication to her. This dog means the world to me, and when i hug my newborn or "play" with him i can see the sadness in the dog's face, and i feel so guilty and so stupid at the same.

My life has been (like all new parents) completely changed and i feel robbed of my freedom. I basically work - go home - take the dog out for a walk - care the newborn. I feel trapped and i don't want to live my son this way. I want to enjoy time with him but i simply can't right now. he is too demanding and i always feel like i don't have the mental and physical energies to do that.

I feel empty, i don't enjoy anything anymore, i don't remember the last moment of pure happiness i had. I have constant bad thoughts when i go to sleep and when i wake up, my sleep is tormented and i constantly dream of my wife loving and caring about me.

She is now 110% commited on caring our newborn and i feel like a walking ghosts in the house.

I dont know how to get out of this. I love my newbork so much but i am just not capable of expressing it, even tho i spend a lot of time caring him. I wanna live my family positively instead of living it like something that takes away my freedom.

I have been and i am a caring husband, a perfect owner for my dog, but i wanna learn how to be a great dad for my son.