Hello *SH TRIGGERS*

[Ri182]

Hello, I'm new here and this is the first time that I've used a forum like this. I've never been very good with expressing myself to people but I'm going to try and give it a go.

I've been struggling with mental health for quite a few years but recently it's been getting more and more difficult to find any hope.Things that should be important don't have any meaning and every negative emotion seems to be amplified.

I moved to a different town last year in hopes that a fresh start would bring me some joy after reaching a low point in my life but in all honesty I think I may have just been trying to run away. Things got worse after that. I'd spend weeks trying to organise my life, trying to tell myself that I could beat this followed by weeks of self hatred, self harm, drinking and surrendering to my negative thoughts.It's as if I'm attempting to climb out of a dark hole and repeatedly falling back into it again.

I reached rock bottom a few days ago. Ever since I got back home everything has felt surreal.
I can barely get myself to leave the house, even things like walking down the road seem more terrifying than they were before. Art and my attempts at writing used to calm me. However, now anything that I try to do frustrates the hell out of me for some reason. I just dont know what to do to make things better.

I feel so alone but I suppose that's noone's fault but my own as I can't bring myself to reach out to anyone. It's as if I don't know how to form sentences when I'm talking to people, even family and people that I used to call my closest friends.
I wish I could form new friendships or communicate with people without feeling scared, awkward and backing out the moment I get the chance. Even writing this online is proving to be a struggle.

If anyone has any stories of hope and would like to share I would really like to hear them. Maybe reading other people's stories will help brighten up my day.

Thank you for taking the time to read, sorry if I went on a bit