Have you talked to him about what's in your head? Your diagnosis?
Have you talked to him about what's in your head? Your diagnosis?
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
psychology this morning was ok. I wasn't able to do the tasks she had asked as I just couldn't get the words to flow to write but it was ok with her. We talked over some other stuff from my childhood.
I drove round to the centre but I didn't stay, I went swimming instead and swam a mile today. I thought I'd feel a bit more accomplished about it or sense of achievement but I don't. I went to a few shops before I came home and got a few stocking fillers for the kids. Came home and did very little. Put tea in the oven for the family but I've retreated to bed. I do feel tired but it's more I just want to be alone. Hubby said he would finish off and feed everyone. I'll maybe try a nap now as I am feeling tired. it will maybe help.
Suzi I have parked the whole diagnosis thing for now. I'm still processing it little by little. Hubby knows my mood is flat and my anxiety is high. He knows Christmas is freaking me out because I have to have contact as all the family are coming here Christmas Eve. He also knows I will do anything to avoid it so he's keeping an eye on me.
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He still doesn’t know?
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.
Hold on? You're family is going to you for Christmas Eve? Including him? Why on earth are you putting yourself through that and allowing him into your safe home?
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
because it's my turn.
because I don't want to have to answer questions if I refuse.
because it's easier on the rest of the family for me to just take my turn.
because if I want to see the rest of my family I have to see him too.
because I'm a stupid wuss who just wants everything to go away and stop hurting my brain.
because I want my kids to be able to keep the family tradition my mum started of us all being together Christmas Eve.
because I don't have the energy to fight or think outside the box. It's easier to go with the flow.
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You’re ill. Tell your family, hunni, and tell them you can’t do it. Doing this just for tradition’s sake just doesn’t make sense. And tell hubby so he can support you. Please .....
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.
I can see that... but I have to say that this is really concerning to me and I'm not your CPN. Have you told her and your psychologist about this plan?Originally Posted by Strugglingmum
This really bothers me. What you went through was horrific. It's very definitely NOT being a "stupid wuss" at all. You'd never say that about me, or any other survivor, so why you?because I'm a stupid wuss who just wants everything to go away and stop hurting my brain.
You think that I'm "difficult" because I don't have anything to do with my parents first born? That if I know that he's going to be somewhere I am always in another room to him or flanked on all sides by Marc, Ben, my little brother, my sister - I am NEVER alone with him... I have panic when I get a christmas card from him, I immediately take it out and burn it so he's not infected my safe space. That's not me being difficult, it's doing what I do to survive as intact as I can. I will not let him have that power.
Hunni it's not long ago you were having suicidal thoughts (and I suspect you still are), you won't talk to A about your diagnosis and you are struggling to cope as things are, why do you think that it's ever going to be a positive thing to bring that huge amount of pressure, flashbacks, nightmares, hellish reminders into your home?
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
My psychologist knows the plan.... she's not happy about it but she has helped me put plans in place to help protect me throughout the visit..... like letting A know he's on sentinel duty, knowing I can retreat. A code word for I need help etc. She knows I don't expect it to be a positive experience but that I will do it anyway because of all the above reasons so her response is, let's help you through it.
My CPN is just... don't do it. She doesn't quite grasp how much this get together brings my mum that bit closer and its important for me to do it in her memory..
When I called myself a wuss its more because I'm not brave enough to do what I would prefer to do and that frustrates me.
I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend.
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Maybe it's time for new Christmas traditions. We've changed our traditions over the last 5 years because my mum is just not able for what we did before.
I don't think you are able for what you've done before. If you are going to go ahead, then ask everyone to bring a dish. Not just the wine, someone needs to bring the starter, the main course, the veg's, the potatoes and then someone brings dessert. If you have to have them over that is.
That's the way we do it too Magie. I will provide rice, potatoes and my yearly trifle....it's a family thing.... my sis and sils will bring the rest. It works well each year.
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