Picking up the pieces again *SU Trigger*

[Strugglingmum]

All I see is someone who is selfish and unloving, takes people for granted, attention-seeking, unable to cope with life, willing to break my family's hearts and lives apart because I can't love them enough to want to stay with them. I resent the hold they have on my life and the fact they need me so much. There are people fighting in this world to beat any amount of conditions to stay alive and I want to throw it all away. I don't deserve to have people around me fighting for me when I just want to throw it back in their faces and give up. I am lazy and don't look after my family properly. I used to cook, bake clean and now it's all I can motivate myself to do to do the basics That's only scratching the surface. I can't see anything lovable in that.
And so today's battle has begun. I'm up, dressed, coffee and banana on board.


Taking the dog to the beach for a trek and get the Sun on my face.
Will go for a swim later as I need to go to town for some yarn.
I have some cooking apples so plan is a crumble.... if I can get the motivation going to peel the apples. hubby is playing golf today and my younger 2 are at home so getting out on my own will give me some space.

Hope everyone is ok and looking after yourselves.

[Jaquaia]

Ok. Stop and breathe. If you had a friend going through even half of what you are, would you say any of that to them? Would you tell any of us here that we are lazy, selfish, attention seeking or any of what you've just said about yourself?

[Suzi]

Wow, you don't go easy on yourself do you? For the record I'm honest and open and I will say what I think... I don't recognise that person you've described at all. I don't see you as selfish - you post on other people's threads, you care about other people and you are working through things. You are far from lazy. You are constantly fighting with your own head - that's a 24/7 job. It's amazing that you get up everyday... Anything more than that is a bonus. You really are such a lovely and kind person. You are someone I am really glad I've had the chance to meet you and get to meet you...

[Angie]

Not repeating but agree with Suzi, I have been quiet for a while but read posts and see what Suzi sees sweetie xx

[OldMike]

I agree with Jaq and Suzi you're struggling to keep your head above water but you're battling and slowly getting there.

[Paula]

Hunni, you would never force yourself to take the dog to the beach if you’d broken your leg - if you did you could prolong your recovery. The same is true with depression. You are ill and that means there are things you cant do. If you did them, you could also prolong your recovery. You need to do whatever you need to do to get well, and that might mean just doing the basics (which is much more than I manage a lot of the time), especially as you’ve got family around you who can pick up the things you’re not able to do right now. You’ll get back to baking when you’re better....

[Strugglingmum]

The weather here has been gorgeous today. Sunny, bit nippy and just enough breeze to dry the washing. I've had the machine going most if the day (a lot to catch up on) .
Walking along the shore with the dog this morning was perfect, we met no one and Katie was able to run and run. I went to town for a swim to clear my head a bit and bought new yarn (always a pleasant job). We have builders coming tomorrow to build a retaining wall for our patio. If its nice I think I'll take the dog to the mountains to take us both out of their way.
I resisted the urge to restock my stash.
You have all said lovely things. I'm sorry I just cant see it and agree but thank you all anyway. It's almost 4pm and I'm making it through another day.

[Paula]

You’re not ‘just’ making it through another day, you’re appreciating the weather, doing some exercise, did something you enjoy (yarn) and didn’t restock your stash. That’s a lot!

[Suzi]

Completely agree with Paula - you have done much more than "just" make it through. You've done so much. You've done more than me! You may not see what we see in you, but I'm glad you can appreciate that we might feel those about you.

Not restocking is f*cking awesome! I'm so, so, so proud of you!

[Strugglingmum]

Slept well last night with some assistance. Didn't awaken til 9:30am. I have a load in the machine but no real motivation to do much else. The builders are outside so the dog is stuck in the house, I should really take her to the shore but tbh I'm not that motivated. I do feel guilty looking at her wee face though. A is at this moment making fried egg sardines for the builders. I know I need to move to feel better but not managing it so far.