Picking up the pieces again *SU Trigger*

[Paula]

What happened at the appointment?

I wish everyone with chronic illness had access to the type of kick up the arse treatment I’ve had.......

[Suzi]

Definitely OK to just focus on you right now. I was wondering what happened in your appointments too!

[Strugglingmum]

What happened at the appointment?

I wish everyone with chronic illness had access to the type of kick up the arse treatment I’ve had.......

That's just it Paula.... the appointment was just the usual of me rambling about the same old crap. I feel completely stuck and not able to move forward. I don't know what its going to take to actually see the future. But I'm trying to take it on trust that there is one and that it will be better. But I also know that it will only be better if I make it better and I'm not quite sure how to do that. Can I make the future better while all my energy seems to be focussed on dealing with the past?? Im not sure. I'm probably supposed to be working on both but I'm not succeeding at that so what do I focus on? Past?. Future.? Present? It's very overwhelming to me.

[Suzi]

Are you having regular counselling/cbt/psychotherapy?

[Strugglingmum]

I'm not sure what it is we do. But I go at least fortnightly if not weekly.
She specializes in trauma work so we do a lot of visualization and rescripting endings, finding techniques to r.ecognise and interrupt flasbacks using the adult me to parent the child me etc. She also listens to my crap and makes me think about it logically and rationally and challenge what im thinking as to whether it has a factual basis or is it me assuming that it is so. I don't think I realised how stuck I was feeling until I wrote it on here. I need to talk to her about that next week.

[Angie]

It takes time to work through things sweetie xx

[Suzi]

Sometimes it really helps to get things out of your head so you can actually work out how you feel....

[Paula]

What happened at the appointment?

I wish everyone with chronic illness had access to the type of kick up the arse treatment I’ve had.......

I reread this and I’m so sorry - that phrase ‘kick up the arse’ was wrong, didn’t reflect the programme or what I believe about chronic illness. What I meant to say was that Bath gave me tools to manage my health better and I wish all of us were able to access that sort of treatment.

[Strugglingmum]

I've been thinking and trying to work stuff out in my head.....dangerous i know

Anyway, I'm going round and round in circles but I feel like I need to find some acceptance again. Like I need to settle my mind to accept me. I think its like I'm rejecting myself and that's why I keep in this circle of self loathing and SU desires and attempts to end me. Does that make any sense?

[Jaquaia]

It makes a lot of sense