Diary of a book addict

[Jaquaia]

I've talked to J. He's offered to pay for me to go to a dinner for Tom in November but I can't justify the cost. Owing J so much money so close to Christmas would just cause me so much stress and anxiety.

[Suzi]

Why? How much would it be? Why not let him help you out with this. I hate to be brutal but you don't know how many of these he's going to be able to make..... Don't let pride get in the way of missing him and spending the rest of your life regretting it....

[Jaquaia]

£100 just for the ticket. Then train fare and hotel. It's a formal dinner so will need shoes and a posh frock too. Then travel between the hotel and where the dinner is being held. It could end up being £300+ for 1 night and barely any time with Tom as so many others will be there. Plus J can't really afford that kind of money himself at the moment and I have no idea when I can pay him back. I still owe my dad £200 from the May dinner.

[Suzi]

Is there any way that you can meet up with Tom without going?

[Jaquaia]

I doubt it. He spends a lot of time with family and army friends when he's over.

[Suzi]

Ask him!!!!

[Jaquaia]

Couple of things. I ed up a few times in my lesson. One was a big up. My mind went blank and I was coming out of a junction and forgot to move my foot from break to accelerator and stalled across the road. No idea how I managed it, other than I was maybe focusing too much on the junction being very near a bend. But it didn't affect me as much as it would and I pulled it back. Even just 2 weeks ago that would have snowballed massively and totally derailed my lesson!!! And I chose to leave my comfort zone right at the beginning of the lesson.

I've also decided to stop shaving my arms. My sister, and then dickhead, made me feel very self-conscious about my arm hair. It's taken me a while but I've finally realised that their bullying and bodyshaming says more about them and that I don't have to conform to their beauty standards. I'm still self-conscious, so much so that I checked with J if he'd be ok with it, but I just thought that if I strive to conform to what everyone else thinks then I would never be happy with myself.

[Suzi]

I'm so F*cking proud of you!!!! Those are both phenomenal!

[Jaquaia]

They don't feel that amazing, just being an adult.

[Suzi]

Absolutely not!!!

It takes huge amounts of strength to pull it back from something like what happened to you in your driving lesson, and to tackle something which you are so self conscious about is just brilliant. If I had said the same you'd have been cheering me on.... Try cheering you on!