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  1. #1
    Luuky
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    Hi

    Hello, I would like to apologise in advance, english is my secondary language so there could be some mistakes or misunderstandings.
    I waited a bit before posting here. Don't know why. I was reading other posts and people have real problems, me, all this seems irrelevant or just not important. It's difficult for me to present what or how I feel or just how my life looks like. I'm rather shy, not really great with people. I have few friends, one in particular I talk about all of this but I don't want to bother her anymore. I generally hate myself and my life. I'm unable to do something with it. I rarely have a feeling of pleasure or happiness. Mostly I feel depressed, sad or just big void inside me. All of my thoughts overwhelm me. Thoughts of why do I live? What's my purpose? How much everyones live would be better without me in it? Sometimes I had suicidal thoughts but I never decided to go for it. Every day seems the same, earlier I had these pauses from this feelings. It was normal, didn't really feel all happy or anything but it was just normal, stable. Lately only thing that's stable is how I feel. I occasionally have panic attacks but I'm starting to get used to it. I'm sorry to throw all of this at once but I think I needed to throw all of this before I explode.

  2. #2
    Librarian and chief holder of antiquities and biscuits Jaquaia's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome. Your english is very good! If something causes you problems then it's not irrelevant. Have you spoken to your doctor about how you're feeling?
    Tên përdu, jhamâi së rëcôbro

  3. #3
    Mira
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    Hi there. Nice to meet you. English is not my first language either. But you are doing great. It is very good. One think I would like to share is never downplay whats going on with you. We all have things that cause us troubles and we all have our issues. But not a single one of them is meaningless. And its not a competition. See it more as you being part of a group that knows what you are going through and it is a safe place to be.

  4. #4
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Hi Luuky and welcome. Jaq and Mira are absolutely right - we all have our own journeys and those journeys - and us - are all important. Can I ask, that friend you talk to you about your feelings, does she know you think you’re burdening her? Could you ask her as I think maybe she would prefer for you to talk to her than not talk at all. Hunni, have you seen your doctor? Are you on any medication? Have you had any talking therapies?

    Btw, your English is brilliant! Can I ask where you live?
    The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

  5. #5
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome to the group! Everything is important because it's happening to YOU. YOU are important...
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


  6. #6
    Luuky
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    I'm from Poland. I'm not visiting a doctor at the moment. I think I'm stalling because I'm afraid what I can hear. That I find out that there's no help for me. No solution. I've never even had a therapy session or anything. About a friend. I don't want her to know that. She's going to get upset and start worrying even more. I can't do that to her.

  7. #7
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Sweetheart, I know all about not wanting to hear something like that from your doctor - we all do. But you’re struggling anyway so it makes sense to ask your doctor for help - you’ve tried getting better on your own and it’s not working. There is help - lots of it - but you’re not going to get that help without asking for it. You’ve been so brave joining us here, you just need to stretch that courage a bit more to talk to your doctor
    The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

  8. #8
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Talking to your Dr is the next step lovely, actually getting some help and actually knowing exactly what you are dealing with.
    Can I just say that your friend will know that there is something wrong, and will be trying to work out what it is.... She will guess and start thinking it's far worse and that you are hiding something terrible from her.
    Mental health illness isn't something to be ashamed of....
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


  9. #9
    Luuky
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    It's difficult for me to not feel ashamed because of it. I generally feel that way about myself. I am going to research some psychologists. But really how do I choose one? Should I pay attention to something in particular? Or do I choose randomly? I asked my friend if she still want to talk about all this stuff. I think I know the answer. I don't know how to repay her for all that help.

  10. #10
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Hunni, you would do the same for her if roles were reversed. That’s what friendship is about
    The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

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