Hi,

I'm new here, never been on anything like this before so sorry if this is a bit of a ramble.

I am really struggling with my thoughts at the moment, and even posting this makes me feel guilty as I know there are so many people in worse positions than me. I have a decent job, an amazing supportive girlfriend, great parents. I've just bought a lovely new house with my girlfriend and yet I can't shake the feelings that I don't deserve it. I'm sitting at work just now and fighting off tears, but no real idea why.

I feel like I make a mess of everything I touch, and I am lazy. I have a small house and make no effort to tidy it, so it's now horrible, but I feel like it's only me there and as though it doesn't really matter because I'm not worth it. I now feel like I'm going to mess up my new place too.

My parents are great, but somehow I feel like I'm letting them down with everything I do. I dropped out of uni, coasted my way through a crappy job for 12 years, now have a bit better job, but we all know if I wasn't so damn lazy I could have done better, I had the grades and intelligence, but never knew what I wanted to do and never applied myself. I am obese too. Despite all this they never get on my back, but deep down I feel sure I'm just a big disappointment to them.

I get upset at work when there's a meeting I'm not involved in, even if I know it's nothing to do with me. I manage to convince myself that not being in the room is because I'm not good enough to contribute anything. Then when I do get involved in a meeting, I just sit there not saying anything, thinking nobody wants to hear from someone like me anyway. When anyone talks to me, or calls for me, I automatically assume it's because I've made a mess of something.

My girlfriend is amazing and I talk to her about how I'm feeling then feel stupid, weak and guilty. She never judges, she always supports me, but now I feel like I need to try to stop burdening her or she's going to realise I'm not worth being with, but she's the only one I've ever told about how I feel when I'm like this.

I read all this back and feel like a spoilt brat for feeling like this when I'm so lucky and have so much going for me, but I don't know how to get on top of the negative thoughts that I'm useless, can't do anything right.