I'm sorry for complaining cause I know everyone has their own problems and I feel so guilty but I can't stop myself from feeling so low. I'm 18 now and I thought my problems would be over after struggling with depression and getting better only to have it again. I thought it would be easier this time but it's so much worse. I've been feeling this way for around a year and a half now and I just don't think anything good will come out of life.

I'm kind of an orphan in the definition sense of not having parents. Again I know others have it so much worse. But basically I am no longer in contact with my parents. My dad I haven't spoken to in about 15 years and my mum I haven't spoken to in around a year now. I have other family members I guess but they don't really like me. I'm living with my uncle and aunt and they don't like me at all. They like me in the sense that I'm family but they just hate me. They don't want to get to know me and each time I try so hard to start anew and now I just go along with what they want but it hurts so much cause I just feel like I'm not accepted as being myself and it's so horrible lying about who you are. Even now though there'll be something wrong. I just keep getting lectures about how I act and if I say anything they don't like they just give me this look and I feel so bad all the time. I dunno I really want a family. At the moment it feels like if I died it would make no difference at all.

I haven't accomplished anything either. I'm so terrible at everything. I can't do anything right. I have no hobbies, no job, no interest. The only thing I have going for me is the fact that I am a student but I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so lonely.

I don't want to die but I don't want to live either. The future just seems so bleak.