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Thread: I don't want to live *SU Trigger*

  1. #1

    I don't want to live *SU Trigger*

    I'm sorry for complaining cause I know everyone has their own problems and I feel so guilty but I can't stop myself from feeling so low. I'm 18 now and I thought my problems would be over after struggling with depression and getting better only to have it again. I thought it would be easier this time but it's so much worse. I've been feeling this way for around a year and a half now and I just don't think anything good will come out of life.

    I'm kind of an orphan in the definition sense of not having parents. Again I know others have it so much worse. But basically I am no longer in contact with my parents. My dad I haven't spoken to in about 15 years and my mum I haven't spoken to in around a year now. I have other family members I guess but they don't really like me. I'm living with my uncle and aunt and they don't like me at all. They like me in the sense that I'm family but they just hate me. They don't want to get to know me and each time I try so hard to start anew and now I just go along with what they want but it hurts so much cause I just feel like I'm not accepted as being myself and it's so horrible lying about who you are. Even now though there'll be something wrong. I just keep getting lectures about how I act and if I say anything they don't like they just give me this look and I feel so bad all the time. I dunno I really want a family. At the moment it feels like if I died it would make no difference at all.

    I haven't accomplished anything either. I'm so terrible at everything. I can't do anything right. I have no hobbies, no job, no interest. The only thing I have going for me is the fact that I am a student but I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so lonely.

    I don't want to die but I don't want to live either. The future just seems so bleak.

  2. #2
    Librarian and chief holder of antiquities and biscuits Jaquaia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    East Riding of Yorkshire
    Hi and welcome. This may sound like a cliche but you're only 18. You have your whole life ahead of you lovely. You have plenty of time to achieve something. Have you spoken to your GP about how you're feeling? Have you had counselling/CBT? On medication? Sorry for all the questions, just trying to get a better idea.

    Do you have any support at all? It might be worth speaking to student support at your college/uni. Your local mind can also be a good resource.
    TÍn pŽrdu, jham‚i sŽ rŽcŰbro

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Jaquaia For This Useful Post:

    OldMike (28-06-19)

  4. #3
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Surrey. UK
    Hi and welcome to DWD. I completely agree with everything Jaq has said.
    You don't need to feel guilty for posting at all. Sweetheart are you at college/uni? Could you move out? Do you have friends around you?

    I've added a trigger warning just to make others know that they might find some of what you are talking about a trigger. It's not a problem though...
    Please always remember that I am always right. I have a framed certificate to prove it.

    When in doubt, stop and think... WWSS? (What Would Suzi Say?)
    For more info please see
    THIS thread

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to Suzi For This Useful Post:

    OldMike (28-06-19)

  6. #4
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Jane Austen country
    Hi and welcome, sweetie. Iím so sorry youíre feeling so awful . Have you spoken to your doctor about how you feel? Are you on any medication? Are you at school/college/uni?

    Hunni, I have 2 kids, both girls, one is 21 and the other is 18. My youngest and I have seriously struggled with our relationship over the years and at one time, to my shame, she honestly believed I didnít like her. That couldnít be further from the truth. Shes strong and feisty and is her own person. She doesnít let anyone stop her being the person she was born to be. We donít always agree but I would never ask her to be or do anything she isnít. We donít always see eye to eye, but I love her and I am enormously proud of the young woman sheís grown into. But itís taken time for her to see thatís how I feel about her. What Iím trying to say is, perhaps how you think your aunt and uncle feel about you isnít how they really feel itms? Have you asked them?
    The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

  7. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Paula For This Useful Post:

    OldMike (28-06-19),Suzi (28-06-19)

  8. #5
    Moderator OldMike's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Off his tree in Manchester UK
    Hi Forgetmenot, I can't really add much to what the ladies have already said. When I was 18 (half a century ago) I struggled with life I didn't know what it was at the time but looking back it was probably my depression starting. As Jaq said you're still young and have plenty of time to get things sorted, there's no magic wand but you'll get there.
    73 and counting, less of the "Old" call me "Mike" - The worst Christmas Joker 2018 & 2019
    ~~~ Please check out the latest QUIZ (Fun and Games > Quiz) I'm sure you'll find it fun. ~~~

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