Depressed for years, tried many drugs *SU Trigger*

[cohort]

Hello! My name is ... well it's Jiří but it translates as George :-) . I've been suffering from heavy depression since 14. Now I'm 25. During this 11 year-long trip i touched basically every drug - prescription or street drug - and ended up using pretty much astronomical doses of crystal meth till march 2019, when I told my parents and they took me to the hospital. Even doctors were surprised how much meth was in my urine ... anyways, now I'm experiencing the good old depression mixed with meth withdrawal so the anhedonia is quite unpleasant to say the least. It's as if that damn drug took my last bits and pieces of happiness, and now I only hold on to some vague smudged picture of what happiness used to be, what does it mean to play a PC game (I seriously don't get gaming now and I was a heavy gamer). Every day I spend at least 2 hours contemplating suicide, then planning to escape my parent's house with a bunch of their money and buy meth as long as I can... then when I run out of money, I think to myself, I'll shoot myself or I jump under a train .... but nah I'm a pussy and I love my parents and my one and only friend.. a classmate who I used to date in 2011 ... she kept (and still keeps) me alive and fighting...