Hi guys, I hope everyone is doing ok, I know it's been a really long time since I was here, i guess I just got caught up in life and I had been doing so much better. Emphasis on the had been. Past tense. Now I'm not and I don't know why but I've really just had enough and I have nowhere to turn. I feel so alone and I'm struggling with all these thoughts of not wanting to be here, I don't think I'm going to act on it but I feel like I'm running out of options, I've been to the doctors and I'm changing over meds, I just feel like nobody understands and so I can't talk to anyone about it. I've been talking to my friend but I don't think she realises just how bad it is and she's dealing with her own stuff too so I don't want to keep bothering her. I know you guys all have your own stuff too I just really needed to get this all off my chest. I'm having a really hard time just getting through each day, I'm exhausted from wearing my mask constantly and I don't want to leave my house. I'm having a really hard time with Lena and her attitude towards me and I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to be here, I want to die but I don't want to hurt all the people around me and it's so difficult because I just don't know what to do. I don't have the strength to go on any more but I have to and the more I carry on and pretend I'm ok the worse I get.
I'm sorry for disappearing for so long and then coming back with a long rant but I didn't know where else to turn. Everything online says ring these numbers but I can't, I just can't do it, or go to a&e but I don't feel like I'm bad enough and I don't want to waste their time. I just needed to talk, because I know I have to get through this, I have to, I just don't know how