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Thread: Depression, loneliness & excessive worry*SH Trigs*

  1. #11
    SA89
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    I went in the kitchen today at 7am to find 2 head young adults drinking and smoking. My mum was in bed and they were in my kitchen all night from about 2am. They were friends of my brother & apparently there was more of them. I sat with them for 3 hours until after 10am. They were rambling & the 19 year old girl looked rough as . She had slash marks on her wrist from slitting her wrists & had been in & out of care. The audacity of these strangers to use my mums house as their "gaffe". They kept saying to me how I've no confidence & how "its not all about looks" to basically imply that I'm ugly yet she looked like the rough end of a badgers arse. I told my mum but she's too soft & she has her Lupus to deal with. This is why I'm desperate to move out but I'm low priority on the council housing list so I'm trapped. I desperately need my own independence ..

    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
    Have you thought about going into a charity shop or so and asking? What about something like bar work? How are you finding the volunteering positions? I've had a quick look and have seen a fair few....
    I got in touch with the Strive Project the other day about volunteering as a receptionist. I also applied to volunteer at the citizens advice. I've volunteered at Band previously, need to delve into the others. Looking for admin experience but not sure how to go about it. The behavior tutoring I did in 2016 was 1 of the most rewarding things ive ever done. I'd love that as a career .

  2. #12
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    I've added a trigger warning due to some of your comments in this post
    Quote Originally Posted by SA89 View Post
    I went in the kitchen today at 7am to find 2 head young adults drinking and smoking. My mum was in bed and they were in my kitchen all night from about 2am. They were friends of my brother & apparently there was more of them. I sat with them for 3 hours until after 10am.
    Why did you sit with them? Who let them in? Why didn't you ask them to leave?

    They were rambling & the 19 year old girl looked rough as . She had slash marks on her wrist from slitting her wrists & had been in & out of care. The audacity of these strangers to use my mums house as their "gaffe". They kept saying to me how I've no confidence & how "its not all about looks" to basically imply that I'm ugly yet she looked like the rough end of a badgers arse. I told my mum but she's too soft & she has her Lupus to deal with. This is why I'm desperate to move out but I'm low priority on the council housing list so I'm trapped. I desperately need my own independence ..
    The thing is your Mum will have to deal with it because at the end of the day as her name is on the tenancy she is liable for everything that happens - including illegal activity. Also, sad to say that if she was to be evicted due to antisocial behaviour of her visitors and your brother that (certainly in my area) you are not eligible for council housing as you are over 18 and as a single man you aren't eligible for housing until after 25... Your area might be different...

    I got in touch with the Strive Project the other day about volunteering as a receptionist. I also applied to volunteer at the citizens advice. I've volunteered at Band previously, need to delve into the others. Looking for admin experience but not sure how to go about it. The behavior tutoring I did in 2016 was 1 of the most rewarding things ive ever done. I'd love that as a career .
    What about temping for something like Office Angels? That would pay and give experience and you don't have to stay at each placement too long if you don't want to....
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


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  4. #13
    SA89
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    I looked after 160+ students today in an exam hall. The teaching agency I registered with back in December finally give me a shift but as an exam invigilator. I had to be vigilant and patrolled the rows of student desks. Only 3 asked me for something; 1 for a pen, 1 for a tissue & 1 to go to the toilet. I gave them their exam papers & collected them at the end & that was it, easy £26.00 for 2 & half hours work. There was 6 other invigilators along with me. On Friday I have an appointment to register with another Teaching agency as I'd like some TA work in the Bolton area.

    Then I came home to find my front garden packed with people & music blasting. My chav dickhead brother thinks everyday is a party. I agree with you Suzi but I'm really not the type to put my foot down. I avoid conflict like the plague because I'm very timid & have my own issues. My mum is the same. This brother has always had an intimidating, controlling personality so it's not easy. I had a look at office angels but couldn't find anything. I've applied for lots of admin agencies but don't get a look in .
    Last edited by SA89; 15-05-19 at 06:46 PM.

  5. #14
    Walker extraordinaire!
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    That was great you got some work today. Good luck for Friday.
    Check out my Calandoniacrochet Facebook page.

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  7. #15
    SA89
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    Quote Originally Posted by Strugglingmum View Post
    That was great you got some work today. Good luck for Friday.
    Thanks it just got me out if anythin & gave me a sense of purpose. I've got some more get together's as well in the coming weeks with the meetup group. I get some kind of sense of belonging from that which I've rarely ever felt. However I still need something consistent that I can do day to day. I've even applied for voluntary as it definitely provides that sense of community. I was in a clothes shop the other day & I just felt so lonely. It really triggers my lack of self worth when I see people holding hands, doing stuff together. But I came home with some herbal tea so I guess that's something (2 for 2.50) ..

  8. #16
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Check out any vacancies on the TES job site https://www.tes.com/jobs/
    It's great that you got the invigilators job! That's a great thing to start with...
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


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  10. #17
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    I’m so chuffed the meet-up group is helping you
    The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

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  12. #18
    SA89
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    I was somewhat hopeful today after chatting to a girl on snapchat & having a positive conversation but once again my mood comes crashin down.. My uncle loves to make fun how I'm 30 this year & have done nothin with my life except waste away in my room. I get on with him a lot but not when he laughs at me. I don't need reminding that I've wasted my life. Me & him are very alike in regards to how reclusive we are. He collects toys so he's not your conventional kind of guy. I prefer him to my brother put it that way. For years I've felt trapped living with my brother who is controlling & a loudmouth chav.

    If I were to move out it'd allow me to finally stand on my own 2 feet, not rely on my mum & be free from his obnoxious presence. People don't realise the effect their words have on me. I'm extremely vulnerable & my despair is triggered very easily. They'll be sorry if they find me 1 day without a pulse. That isn't being flippant btw, I'm serious, it's always a possibility because I really have nothing to lose. My life has been a in waste & the last 30 years is evidence I'll never feel normal. Why continue based on that evidence of relentless misery & loneliness?. I'd rather be long gone from this miserable existence before I'm in a care home wandering "what if?" ..
    Last edited by SA89; 19-05-19 at 07:56 PM.

  13. #19
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Have you told your uncle how what he says upsets you?

    Have you thought about moving out? What about going to uni or something? Maybe that way you could move out and get better qualifications and you might get to hang out with people with similar interests? If not, what about something like the OU? Or the recovery college?
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


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  15. #20
    SA89
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    Seriously close to the in edge right now. My Universal Credit have just told me I still have over 200 days remaining on my lengthy sanction yet they recently told me it ended a month ago. My work coach even said it ended & I was paid over 600 from a mandatory reconsideration. I've had this sanction for years & I was told it finally ended & now all of a sudden they say I still have 5 sanctions remaining. It's negligence to tell me it ended & they even said it's gone on longer than it should have. No wonder this system has so much controversy. Messing with someone who's vulnerable like that is not right. I'm done with this world, it, I'm out ..
    Last edited by SA89; 20-05-19 at 03:15 PM.

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