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Thread: Depression, loneliness & excessive worry*SH Trigs*

  1. #1
    SA89
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    Depression, loneliness & excessive worry*SH Trigs*

    Hey, I've been an introvert all my life which has been a major factor in my depression. I'm sure many can relate to the loneliness & insecurities that develop from being an introvert. I touched on this in my last thread which had over 114,000 views which indicates that many people can identify with this. That feeling of feeling completely lost in life with no direction. Everyone around me seems to have independence with a family, a job, a car & their own house. They have a foundation like a finely tuned GPS wereas I don't even have a rusty compass to work with. I've missed out on years of social development ..

    In the company of highly extroverted people it can feel like you're indirectly ostracized. Like they're somehow superior because of the adventurous lifestyles they lead in comparison. I found that out on a meetup group that I've been attending. But I think routine is important because it at least give you that exposure from which to improve upon. Depression is a disease of isolation after all. I've made improvements recently & even got into support work last year. But like many others, I desperately need a routine to keep my head above water. If only it was so f uckin simple to feel "normal" eh like most people ...

  2. #2
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    I think that you need to try other groups to meet up with. Maybe some with more similar interests to you or a more similar age group?
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


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  4. #3
    SA89
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
    I think that you need to try other groups to meet up with. Maybe some with more similar interests to you or a more similar age group?
    I'm gonna stick it out with this meetup as there's no other groups in bolton. I'm penciled in to meet with them on Thurs & Fri at a bar. There's around 23 people attending on these nights out so should be interesting!. It's not always the same people as they rotate on a waiting list but most are the same. The problem with me is as soon as I don't feel comfortable with 1 person I can't be myself at all.

    A lot of them are very assertive & I'm very timid. I try to fake my confidence but it doesn't hold much weight. If I had a career like most of these people then I'd feel more assured but my support work has since dried up. I'm trying to get into admin to have another string to my bow but I'm not sure how. How are you supposed to find a sense of purpose if no one will give you a chance? ..

  5. #4
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Why do you think having a career is the way to self confidence? If you’re an introvert, working won’t change that just as me not working since 2007 doesn’t change that I’m an extrovert. It’s just who we are and learning to accept who we are is actually the way to a sense of self worth and being comfortable in our own skin. I think you’re reaching for something that’s not you

    Suzi’s right, you should be meeting people you have things in common with. Or maybe doing things that interest you - have you thought about doing college courses? - not for career purposes but just to develop your interests. Most of the training I’ve done over the years were to learn about things that interest me, not for career purposes
    The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

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  7. #5
    Mira
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    One thing I would like to point out is that no matter if we are introvert or extrovert. We all walk the same life. Have the same troubles and worries. But also can enjoy the same good things in life.

    One friend I have was always the coolest. Talked to people when we were young and going out. Always the nicest and most lovely girlfriends.

    Now he is married and the sweestest daughter ever. But when we talk he has worries. About work. The house. Money. Coworkers.

    The only difference is how we deal with problems and issues. I think you and I are a bit the same and I have finaly told myself I need help.

    I do not think that work can change you from being introverted to extroverted.

    I myself am trying hard not to aim for that at all anymore. As it seems like a unreachable queste. I am going to try and find the strenghts I have inside me and try to grow and love those. I believe thats where the most personal gain is to be found.
    Last edited by Mira; 01-05-19 at 06:44 AM. Reason: Bad writing

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  9. #6
    SA89
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    Well I attended my 3rd meetup last night with about 15 people for a night out. I was dancing my back off all night on the dancefloor & even put the more reserved people in the group to shame with my confidence!. The group organiser even said she's surprised how I've come out of my shell as I was quiet on the last 2 meetups. She's really lovely & even bought me a sambooka . We got on well & she hugged me before the group departed after 2am. I'd love to have someone in my life like that. She's so lovely and has an amazing zest for life.

    I'm glad I stuck with the group as I now feel a sense of belonging after last night. I surprise a lot of people on a night out with my confidence which is in stark contrast to how I am at home . I had 5 half lagers, 1 half cider & a sambooka. I felt really depressed later on but without that dutch courage I would never have had such an amazing night on the dancefloor. I finished the night on a low with my cousin who is a dick head. He doesn't stfu about how no one messes with him & belittled how slim I am. I loved my night with the group & its typical of that arse hole to bring me down .
    Last edited by SA89; 05-05-19 at 01:12 AM.

  10. #7
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    It's great you had a good time. But again that's a fair amount of alcohol..... Why hang around with your cousin if you don't like how he is?
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


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  12. #8
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Well done for letting yourself enjoy the night but that amount of alcohol is going to affect your depression. I hope that you’ll be able to see that it was you, not the alcohol, that gave you that courage
    The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

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  14. #9
    SA89
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
    It's great you had a good time. But again that's a fair amount of alcohol..... Why hang around with your cousin if you don't like how he is?
    I've not been out with him in ages & it reminded me why!. It's funny how people change over time. This guy was once my drinkin partner & now he's gained more confidence he's become arrogant & intimidating.

    He lies as well like braggin how he has sex with women in clubs. He now hangs with my obnoxious brother. I don't feel free at all around these people. It felt liberating in the meetup group because they're people who don't bring me down & are really inspiring in what they do .

    Quote Originally Posted by Paula View Post
    Well done for letting yourself enjoy the night but that amount of alcohol is going to affect your depression. I hope that you’ll be able to see that it was you, not the alcohol, that gave you that courage
    ye I didn't drink for about a year prior to 2 week ago. On a bank holiday though its not easy to resist on a night out. I only drink until I'm merry to help my confidence & I love a dance lol .

    I could have gone out today with my mum but I stayed in. I feel like I've made some kind of breakthrough in socialisin of late but I need to sustain it. When you've tasted positive interaction you want more of it. I just need a regular routine in between these meetups. Everyday I'm applyin for jobs & voluntary ..
    Last edited by SA89; 06-05-19 at 12:59 AM.

  15. #10
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Have you thought about going into a charity shop or so and asking? What about something like bar work? How are you finding the volunteering positions? I've had a quick look and have seen a fair few....

    http://www.band.org.uk/
    https://www.boltoncvs.org.uk/
    https://www.indeed.co.uk/Volunteer-jobs-in-Bolton
    https://www.ageuk.org.uk/bolton/get-involved/volunteer/

    Or the recovery college to get some more qualifications/experience https://www.gmmh.nhs.uk/recovery

    What about any of that?
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


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