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Thread: Fade to Grey

  1. #1
    PhilG1967
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    Fade to Grey

    Not quite sure where to put this but I am new to this forum and have been struggling with depression for some time now. I tried to express how I feel with these descriptive words.

    It holds you tight, this disease. Sometimes, fleetingly, you can pull away and break the surface, to feel the warmth of the sun on your face again, only for it to drag you down into its murky depths once more, repeating over and over in a miserable cycle.

    It disconnects you from those you love, disengages you from the things you love, sucks the colour and energy from life. The Joys of the simple things ebb away to the daily drumbeat of drab monotones .

    And of course, you should be happy. You have a family, two beautiful precious girls. Every reason to be joyous.

    But you are dragging them down into your world so you let them go as you lose yourself. Their voices, their laughter becoming more and more distant as you drift helplessly away. Fading to grey and onward to black.

  2. #2
    Librarian and chief holder of antiquities and biscuits Jaquaia's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome. I understand that completely, I've often used drowning as a metaphor for depression; some days you feel like you're being dragged under and you're fighting for the surface but don't know which way is up, other days you're treading water or actually making some progress towards shore.....

    You will always find people who understand here
    Tên përdu, jhamâi së rëcôbro

  3. #3
    PhilG1967
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    Thanks. That helps so much. I try to explain the friends and family but if they haven't felt this way before, they don't really know what I am experiencing and don't really no how to respond.

  4. #4
    Librarian and chief holder of antiquities and biscuits Jaquaia's Avatar
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    It's difficult if they don't have experience as the closest they can often come is feeling sad, and clinical depression is so much more then that.

    Have you tried the Time to Change website?
    Tên përdu, jhamâi së rëcôbro

  5. #5
    PhilG1967
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    I haven't no but I will give it a try. Many thanks for the recommendation.

  6. #6
    Mira
    Guest
    Hello Phil, and welcome to the forum. What you wrote sounds so familiar. You will find that people here understand. And will react different then most other people.

  7. #7
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Hi Phil and welcome . Sorry, I’m going to overwhelm you with questions. Have you seen your doctor recently? Are you on medication? Have you had any counselling, CBT or other therapies? Do you have any support around you?

    Depression doesn’t discriminate, just because your life seems ‘easier’ than others, does not mean depression won’t grab hold of you. And I know exactly what you mean with feeling disconnected from your loved ones - when I’m struggling I ‘know’ I love my family but I’m completely numb from the emotions I should be feeling towards them. I feel empty.

    But, there is always a way through
    The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

  8. #8
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome! I was going to ask the same questions as Paula lol
    Are you eating and drinking properly? Getting any exercise?
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


  9. #9
    PhilG1967
    Guest
    Thanks everyone.

    I have to say that I haven't been to the doctor yet and have been putting it off for months if not years. I am a little bit ashamed TBH and also don't want to take any medication. However, I have promised my wife that I will go next week and she will come with me as extra support.

    I also am ashamed to say that I think I am bit OCD and have a bit of an issue with food...well actually an eating disorder. I run quite a lot and probably don't eat as much as I should and certainly don't have a healthy relationship with food.

    Quite a few issues I think.

  10. #10
    Librarian and chief holder of antiquities and biscuits Jaquaia's Avatar
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    Can I ask why you don't want to take medication?

    If you want to try and do it without medication, the doctor can direct you to talking therapies. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, and hopefully in time you will come to believe that
    Tên përdu, jhamâi së rëcôbro

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