Hi all, I am new here. To give you a bit of background about myself, I am 57 years old, divorced and live alone with two cats. I have a full time job, plenty of friends, hobbies and a family, being my brother and his family, I have lost both my parents and don't have any children of my own.

I have always suffered from depression and anxiety and have been taking anti depressants for about twenty years now. Some days I am up and some days I am down. When I am up I feel good, I can persue my hobbies, clean my flat till it gleams and I feel almost giddy but then when I am down I feel I can't motivate myself to do anything.

Although I have friends, family and a full time job I often feel lonely. I see my friends and family but can't expect them to be with me 24/7. I am now facing Easter on my own and I don't know what to do with myself. Christmas I always stay with family.

I love my job but I dread the day coming when I have to retire, I honestly don't know how I will cope with the long days. My job is busy which suits me as I need to be active to keep on top of my depression but I fear work being taken away from me and me being bored, as the managers are on about reducing our workload because some people have complained about being too busy.

Today is a Saturday and I am in town on my own in a café writing this, I have just been mooching about with no purpose.

I have had counselling in the past and I do keep a journal which helps but sometimes I can't be motivated to write when I feel this low and then I worry about someone reading it (which could be another topic).

I also get obsessions about things (current one is make up) and I make rash decisions at times just to give me something to look forward to, like for instance I am currently thinking of moving home again.

Sorry this is a long post but would be grateful for any advice.