Hello *SU Trigger*

[Michael]

My first post on this forum. I have struggled with anxiety and depression for many many years. For the most part it was fairly well managed but right now, and probably for the last few years, it’s not.

I am really struggling to hold it together. On a daily basis I think about suicide. I can’t remember what it was like to be happy.

I live and work in Papua New Guinea. About a year ago my wife & children chose to move back to Australia, partly to manage my parents in laws health issues and partly for the children’s education. Unfortunately it seems like we are growing apart as a result. I don’t want this. I want to be with my family. I want to find a new job. I told my wife, expecting her to be supportive, but she completely flipped out. “Growing apart” must be some sort of trigger word.

She told me that she and the children don’t want me back. Apparently I’m too strange and my problems with mental health are affecting them adversely. She said that if I can’t cope, that’s my problem. I have a duty to work and earn money for the family. In addition because I said I felt we were growing apart, she would no longer support me, encourage me etc.

I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m losing my family. If I lose them I have nothing left to live for. I don’t know what to do. If anyone has any advice I’d really appreciate it.