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Thread: Nervous Newbie

  1. #1

    Nervous Newbie

    Hi all,

    I joined the forum I think around a year ago but lost my login as I haven't visited in quite a while.

    I am at my wits end and just hoping someone who understands what I am going through will reach out. I have been depressed for as long as I can remember, I am a 24 year old girl and from the outside there is nothing that I should be depressed about, which somehow makes it worse.

    I have a very close family but I moved away from them 3.5 years ago, we speak every day but I don't feel like I can talk to them about anything as I don't want them to worry about me living away. I have a boyfriend who is supportive most of the time but he just doesn't understand how I feel. It's hard. This is one of the major issues, I think I have a touch of OCD about having a clean house and he doesn't agree or get it. But I cleaned for hours today while he was at work and he just came home and messed the place up and he doesn't care. it feels like he doesn't appreciate me or care what I do, he didn't even seem to notice.

    As much as that seems like a small thing, it has really pushed me over the edge and made me join the site again. I don't think its the major problem but the major problem seems to be that small things like this are pushing me way too far.

    I just feel like i can't cope.

    I have a very stressful job which doesn't pay a lot and financial worries cause quite a lot of problems. I am struggling to get to sleep at night but when I do I don't want to wake up. I am finding it hard to get up out of bed and my eating habits are everywhere. I haven't eaten today at all but 6 out of 7 days I will binge eat and then feel even worse about myself.

    I am not on any meds at the moment as the two SSRI's I have tried in the past made me feel nothing but flat.

    I need a break and feel very on the verge at the moment. Just hoping I don't sound crazy or as though I am looking for sympathy, I'm not. I just hope someone out there has some tips for me to try to de-stress and to try to help me get better.

    Thanks all for reading.

  2. #2
    Librarian and chief holder of antiquities and biscuits Jaquaia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    East Riding of Yorkshire
    Hi and welcome. It sounds like you have so much on, it's no surprise that you're struggling. First advice has to be go and speak to your doctor. There are far more meds available then what you've tried and one of them may work for you. If you really don't want to try meds just yet then your doctor will be able to direct you to counselling which may also help. It's also worth trying your local Mind, they often do courses that can help deal with stress or know of something that may help. Mindfulness and meditation work for some.

    Have you tried showing your bf the time to change website? A lot of people find that can help family and friends understand
    TÍn pŽrdu, jham‚i sŽ rŽcŰbro

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    dani161 (17-03-19),Suzi (17-03-19)

  4. #3
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Jane Austen country
    Hi Dani and welcome (back)

    First, depression isnít picky who it targets - yes there are often triggers but anyone could become ill with it, whether there seems to be a reason or not. I have a charmed life compared to others yet Iíve been fighting this illness for 30 years. Please donít beat yourself up thinking you Ďshouldntí feel this way.

    Second, as a mum to a 21 year old, it wouldnít matter if she was in the next room or the other side of the world, I would want to know if she was struggling. My job, as her mum, is to be someone she can laugh with through all the great times and someone she can lean on through all the tough times. Talk to your family!

    I know how it feels to have a beautifully clean, tidy house and then people come home and leave shoes and coats everywhere except in the storage bought for holding them, bread, milk, crumbs all over the kitchen, beds left unmade etc etc. It makes me want to tear my hair out. But the big thing I have learnt over the years is itís never intentional and usually isnít laziness. Itís just they donít Ďseeí the mess and it doesnít bother them. Itís not that they purposefully donít care that Iíve tidied the house, itís just not on their radar itms

    When was the last time you saw your doctor? Sweetie, there are dozens of different ADs out there and sometimes it takes a little trial and error to find the right one for you. Please donít dismiss them all because 2 havenít suited you .....
    The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

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    dani161 (17-03-19),Suzi (17-03-19)

  6. #4
    Thank you for the response Jaquala, I was thinking of giving my doctor a call in the morning, I just don't know what to do with myself until then, i haven't felt this low in a long time.

    I actually had an initial telephone appointment with a mental health counselling service where i live earlier this week, they have told me it will be approximately 58 days before i get an appointment to speak to someone face to face. I self-referred to that service but it has taken quite a lot for me to do that. I tried counselling when I was 16 and didn't find it helped either but I am just so low I need to try something. I suppose it can't hurt to try again.

    I am really trying to make changes to improve my mental health but its very disheartening when you feel like nothing is working!
    I hadn't heard of the Time to Change website and i have just had a look, its good to know that it's there.

    thanks again for reaching out.

  7. #5
    Thanks for reaching out Paula, I am going to try to see my doctor this week. Its annoying as I have been multiple times before and sometimes it feels like they think i am being a hypochondriac... I m probably just paranoid but its a horrible feeling.

    I dont think he does it on purpose but it is a major issue that we argue about in our relationship and sometimes it feels as though he just doesn't care at all. I just wish he would try harder to understand that it is a big thing for me (I know it seems silly but it really is). I wish i didn't care about the mess but i just do.

    I am having a visit home at the end of this month so maybe i will try to tell my family then.

    Thanks again, Paula.

  8. #6
    Librarian and chief holder of antiquities and biscuits Jaquaia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    East Riding of Yorkshire
    Well done on self-referring, that's a huge step! Sometimes it takes time to find the right counsellor. I have had 2 absolutely amazing counsellors and I have seen a lot over the last 13 years!!! It's the same with meds, sometimes it takes a while to find the right one and dose that works for you. Sometimes we just need to take it one step at a time.
    TÍn pŽrdu, jham‚i sŽ rŽcŰbro

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  10. #7
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Surrey. UK
    Hi and welcome back!
    I completely agree with Paula and Jaq.
    I know it's hard, but 58 days to get a face to face assessment isn't that bad nationally. I know it feels like forever.

    Have you actually sat him down and explained what a huge effect on you his behaviour is having?
    Please always remember that I am always right. I have a framed certificate to prove it.

    When in doubt, stop and think... WWSS? (What Would Suzi Say?)
    For more info please see
    THIS thread

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    dani161 (18-03-19)

  12. #8
    Moderator OldMike's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Off his tree in Manchester UK
    Hi Dani, welcome back to DWD
    73 and counting, less of the "Old" call me "Mike" - The worst Christmas Joker 2018 & 2019
    ~~~ Please check out the latest QUIZ (Fun and Games > Quiz) I'm sure you'll find it fun. ~~~

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