Selena on the Way to Wonderland *SH TRIGGERS*

[selena]

All this situation makes me desperate and developing suicidal thoughts...

I have to go to work and well, knowing that her condition got worse, this drives me in some moments crazy.
I'm afraid that one day I return home and find her dead. I don't say that there are only bad people around, but in fact I'm absolutely alone.

My mental condition is on the edge. I'm trying to draw up a list of what to do after, but it's not easy at all to keep my mind cold. I don't want to show my tears before other people, before hypocrites...
All legal stuff was done, but it doesn't make the things easier. She talked yesterday with my Dad. He promised that I'm welcome there anytime. even if I want to move there after her death. He asked her to keep strong.
Then she told me:" Maybe I made a mistake when I divorced him. Now it's certainly he is worried about me even after many years. I was just thinking at that time his feelings had not been enough strong".
Last year we buried grandma. I cannot imagine live this again, although I should be prepared.

[Suzi]

Sweetheart you will NEVER be prepared for losing your parent - no matter how long you knew they were ill. You have to stop beating yourself up and allow yourself to feel....

[Paula]

[OldMike]

Selena you can never be prepared to lose a loved one, I've lost both my parents and it takes time to get over that, it isn't easy but you get there in the end, looking back at my parents it really brings a smile to my lips like the time mum and dad went out under the cover of darkness with a wheelbarrow to *cough* steal some rocks from round a wooded area where I used to live so they could make a rock garden

Selena you'll have many memories of your mum hang on to those precious memories your loved ones may have left this earth but they're still with you if that makes sense.

[selena]

It is true, but it is hard for me to see her suffer, generally to see anyone in pain...

[Suzi]

I saw my brother in law and my Dad get progressively ill and then pass away... It was horrible, but nothing I could do could prepare me for how I felt after... It is hard seeing anyone in pain or upset, but you can get through it.

[selena]

Hi, hope everyone is fine.

Please keep me in your prayers, I've had a very tough week....

[Suzi]

What's happened?

[Allalone]

[selena]

Finally this week came to an end.

My mom was admitted again to hospital. Everything was scheduled and she is feeling better.

However, her doctor mentioned anyway illness progression.

She is in rather good mood, but I'm upset.