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Thread: Selena on the Way to Wonderland *SH TRIGGERS*

  1. #181
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Lots of those are walkable to
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


  2. #182
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    Yes, magie, everything already booked and I'm delighted of course.

    Everything was done in the last minute and I'm really thrilled.

    I was searching for a hotel with a private room and bathroom (or shower). Regardless how small it can be. An ex-colleague also recommended something.
    I cannot imagine myself in a hostel ...But there are some not so nice reviews, although I'll bring my towels and private staff and all this just for a few days.

    Mira, thanks for being so sure. Do you also live in megapolis area?

  3. #183
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    There is some good and not so good news either.

    So negative first...
    As you know, I have a rather stressful job with a lot of duties and translations.

    My mother today has been very anxious and nervous, blaming me for some minor things. It seems to me she even lost some weight. Then she told me she will anyway die soon and everybody will be happy. She has refused to receive professional psychological assistance. I understand her condition, but blaming me for not telling her some minor details. Sometimes I cannot even recognize the woman she had been once.

    She is very obtsinate and it is really hard to cope with her current condition. I don't know how talking to her in these moments, I confessed this even to her.
    Maybe I am really not so exactly good and caring daughter. And she raised me by herself and was the one and only who insured my financial support. But I'm struggling myself with hard suicidal thoughts, I don't know how to behave so that she understands.

    I bought today two nice skirts, for me and for her. She told me the one does not suit me (meant for her) and this is not for her (although it suits her) due to age, and that I should have bought to her something different.

    Maybe she is afraid of losing me. She told me this evening that what if I find a man to start my life with and this man will hate her because I will spend my money to feed her and insure appropriate assistance. I told her she is my Mom and no man can dictate to me how I should spend my money, especially the money spent on my mom, cat etc.

  4. #184
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    Yes, she is definitely my mentor, I love her and I'm really grateful to her for many things.

    I cannot believe myself the reality I'm living in...I pray that she lives more and that there is a miracle from God. Sometimes I really have episodes of coughing & suffocating. I guess all this comes from inner anxiety.

    At the end of the day, she recognized that it is difficult for her to accept this reality too.

  5. #185
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Is she getting worse as your holiday gets closer?

    Sweetheart if you are having "hard suicidal thoughts" then are you speaking to a counsellor or doctor? If not, why not?
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


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    selena (26-05-19)

  7. #186
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Is your mum seeing her doctor regularly? Have they given her any prognosis? It sounds to me she is afraid and tbh I’m not surprised - I would be too given how ill she’s been and is. But that doesn’t give her the right to take it out on you. And you are wrong. You are a very good and caring daughter and you’ve given up so much to look after her.
    The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

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    selena (26-05-19)

  9. #187
    Mira
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    Its easy to be sure Selena. Because I know for a fact you are going to love the trip. I dont know what you mean by megapolis area. But I live in a small village in the south west of the Netherlands.

    It seems to me these are uncertain times for your mother. And like Paula said it seems she is afraid. I would be too. But is she being fair towards you? Or is she lashing out at times?

    From what I have read you are trying your best all the time. Even while you yourself are not feeling that well. So please dont doubt how you are doing as a daughter. You can be proud of how you are dealing with all of this.

    And the relationship part. I can not speak for all men but I believe that when you find mister right there is no worry about taking anything away from your mother. When I look at my mum who means the world to me. Nobody can change that. So when you meet him your mother will have another person that cares about her.

    Please take care of yourself too. If you are feeling that way then caring for yourself is even more important.

  10. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Mira For This Useful Post:

    Paula (26-05-19),selena (26-05-19)

  11. #188
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    Yes, she is a bit worse (more emotionally, but it can have mmediate physical impact).

    I'm coping less with these thoughts....and mental care here is really poor, I will probably have to think about an appointment with a private specialist.

    There is some simple treatment prescribed. But no real oncology specialists here, I mean not trained enough for prescribing the appropriate treatment. Although I'm a member of different groups related to this cancer patients and their family members and I'm trying to keep up to date with the most recent information. She has Mts, but generally feels fine for her condition.

    She apologized to me today and told me that is probably her reaction to possible worse changes, pointing out that she is happy for me to have a holiday.

  12. #189
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    I thought you were already seeing a counsellor?
    What kind of treatment do you think they aren't able to prescribe for her?
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


  13. #190
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    Yes, but more sessions have a tax, so I'll either wait a little more or start private sessions.

    There is only one very old specialist in this field and he told my Mom he doesn't know what to prescribe to her. If she wants some advice, we can ask abroad or whenever we want.
    Her surgeon (not chemo therapist) had done a lot for her, saved her life three times, gave some general treatment prescriptions and that's all.

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