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Thread: Selena on the Way to Wonderland *SH TRIGGERS*

  1. #971
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    He said this type of communication with an intelligent man (person) could improve my linguistic skills or enlarge my knowledge, but I should bear in mind that only 5 % of long distance relationship/communication end up in something deeper.

  2. #972
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    I'd be surprised if it was that high for anything over countries....
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


  3. #973
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    I have been doing like my CBT advised because I am still not ready for real life dating - communication online with different guys, either local or distant. I communicate only with respectful people and trying not to make illusions, although someone always tends to become closer.
    I am suprised that these men consider me attractive too, this is caused by my own low self-esteem, I know that there is a lot of work to do about it. Some of them maybe felt this insecurity, but mostly repeated they liked everything about me. I am not ready yet to see someone in real life, maybe in summer.

    Well, I think there is another problem making me feel guilty. Especially now as my birthday is approaching and without my mom the second year... The thing is that despite her last good comments about me, I am still being hunted by the "deformed" meaning, "belly" etc. And then it makes me sad and depressed and on those days I can barely communicate with even my close friend. And after I blame myself that I should not judge my mom for these memories, feeling low and depressed. These moments are the hardest.

  4. #974
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    But you are a wonderful lady and very beautiful!

    Hunni, your mother was talking absolute rubbish about you being "deformed." I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but love it was absolutely harsh and horrible comments for her to make to you stay with her. Those were hideous comments for anyone to make about anyone - but unthinkable for a mother to say that about their child....
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


  5. #975
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    Yes, actually in the last months she apologized so much and told me that now God opened her eyes to see how beautiful and kind her daughter is. But when she was sorry about, it was already too late...or it was probably destiny or something alike but with no return for her.

  6. #976
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Sweetheart you deserved never to have been told so much rubbish. You are amazing, kind, sweet, intelligent and beautiful - that is what she should have told you.
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Suzi For This Useful Post:

    selena (21-02-21)

  8. #977
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, her being sorry could never take away the pain of her saying those things in the first place. Which must be all mixed up with your grief...... CBT will help, love, but it won’t be an overnight we will keep telling you the truth of your beauty, kindness and general amazingness - eventually it’ll stick
    The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to Paula For This Useful Post:

    selena (21-02-21)

  10. #978
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    After nearly a month, I have come unfortunately to emotional collapse again.

    We are not on lockdown, but the health and economic crisis is obvious. Struggling with my mental conditional is still a tough battle, suicidal thoughts not totally vanishing.

    The last surprise is my dad who has called me and told that I must come this year! I have told him there is no direct flight to his place and I must pay a lot for a very small distance, it is risky due to Covid too. He stays closed home together with his mom, while I am struggling every day and work in the office. Then he told me he can disinherit me! I told him that I need to stay safe, but I can come if he sends some money, he just ignored it.
    Not forgetting that I have to pay my Covid test before getting somewhere prior to flight and with no direct flights, I can be stuck everywhere and put myself at double risk.

    I want to take a holiday somewhere. But looking really, I realize that I can visit only one place and I will not prefer his place.

  11. #979
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    I'm not surprised you're struggling with your Dad behaving like that! I'm sorry lovely, but he's completely out of order and totally disrespectful of you! You deserve so much better. How dare he speak to you like that?!
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


  12. #980
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    It upset me at a certain extent, but it was actually expected from him. I told him to do what he wants.

    The bad thing is that I started to have again nightmares with my dying mother, grandmother and cat and the thing is that all the events are hundred times more horrible than in real life.

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