Yes, a few more sessions.
Yes, a few more sessions.
Are you having 1 session a week?
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
Yes, now only one.
Were you having more? How many sessions have you had now?
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
5 so far.
That's great!
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
I'm so glad it's been so positive for you. You're doing so well.
Check out my Calandoniacrochet Facebook page.
selena (12-01-21)
Its so good to read how you are doing your best. Yes its a struggle but you are a good person and you deserve good things to happen to you. And that you might find the strength and peace from within. Where the true power lies.
selena (12-01-21)
Unfortunately, not exactly so well as I or you would wish...but there are very positive steps despite my fears and waves of despair.
P.S. About my "unfinished online romance". I decided to cut all ties with my romantic penpal, although we have communicated for a year (with little breaks). I learned the sad lesson and although it has been hard and unfulfilled, him having a major meaning in my life, despite everything. I trusted him and he did the same, having revealed his struggles too. Actually, I had never imagined before that a smiling and rather good-looking man would struggle with depression and insecurities. But actually yes, once he told me " Yes, I am smiling, but sometimes there is a dark inside me." He would never recognize the truth and maybe being ashamed that a depressed man would be considered weak. I know I had been naive and romanticized my online relationship with him, or friendship, but he gave me a lot of warmth after my mom's death. No man boosted my confidence so much as him, in fact no other man treated me as him...This was online and it could have been different in real life, I know.
Maybe loneliness, maybe because Covid has its rules and in his big city there are more opportunities for dating. He often looked at my pics online etc. Before New Year, he recognized the truth that he has someone else in his life, although we barely communicated for about 2 months, him only once stating how pretty and amazing I am.
I wanted to say a lot, to blame him for being a coward or something else, but I said just that he is still in my heart now. He said he knows, but he got very tired and anxious willing to have something in real life and that I know he has been passing through a hard period...but he did not bury nobody close alone, like me. I know he had a bit of problems with cannabis, happy he is fine now. He lost his job during Covid first lockdown...then found something else, after finally finding more or less good work place.
I said I lost more even financially with this visit, he said he is not against to see me one day.He recognized I am in his heart too and that he started dating because he was depressed...but he cannot do anything now, because he would appear as an idiot before the whole world and he is frustrated. I wished him good luck and strength, to see what he wants himself, because it is not about me, it is just not normally dating someone just because of being depressed. I said there is no point in all this, I am stuck in my small town alone and I don't want to be triggered by this situation or keep on dreaming. So after reciprocal New Year wishes, I decided to remove him from all connection and media means, because it is a bit hard now and it has been too much, along with such events as my cat's death and suicidal thoughts...
My psychologist told me he cannot decide for myself, but agreed my current decision is right. Then I asked if I would want to see this man in real life. He said that even so, my feelings would be different and I will see him differently, even if one day I decide to meet him and to look into the eyes of the man who once saved me in a very dark moment following my mom's death. He praised me too for not interfering, not invading or begging him, he said he did not even expect me to be so wise in my thirties and no contact is the best decision ever.
I also decided to be less on social threads, because there is much content triggering me too. My doctor told me this can be a good decision too, because I can focus more on myself, meditations and maybe travelling will become something real in upcoming summer.
Sweetheart you deserve so much more than what he was love. You're amazing and lovely, and genuine and sweet - you deserve to be someone's Princess... I think you've made the right decision too lovely.
Be less on social threads? What here? What's triggering you?
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
selena (13-01-21)
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