Selena on the Way to Wonderland *SH TRIGGERS*

[selena]

I talked to him yesterday. He called me to wish Happy New Year. But I had told him before if he starts his pressure, mortgage and related topics, I would switch off.

He did not bring these topics in the discussion, just said he is waiting for me there, willing to see me and willing that I will move there. I said I will visit this year when the situation improves, but cannot take now any fast and maybe inappropriate decisions. He kept on telling that he is actually my family, the only alive parent.

[Paula]

Family is more than biology, hunni

[Stella180]

Parent? Is he having a laugh? He may be your biological father but he’s definitely not had a role in parenting you. He’s just a glorified sperm donor and has no right to call himself your father.

[Suzi]

Hunni, please, please, please carry on standing up to him. Yes he may biologically be your father, but when did he ever actually act like it?

[selena]

I don't know why I have become so weak with him...Maybe because it had been too much in my life: struggle with my boss which in a way I gained, because I stood up in front of her, my dear cat's death, the general crisis around and my inner struggles...

I can get some things, my Dad can have his interests...but tell me please, how a dad must have behaved in such a situation?

I wanted to hear from him something simple and warm, like: " My daughter, come here, you should have some relax and you will get it here. You and/or we will have a walk around, I will take care of you". Maybe I am not right, but I have never heard these words, all around general and practical things from him.

That is why I am missing the man from France, he gave me warmth I had never had...

[Suzi]

You've answered your own question... His thoughts should be FOR YOU. He should have travelled to you if possible because love, you needed him as a father - not someone telling you to sell your home.

[Paula]

I can’t really answer that, hunni, as every family is different, every dad/daughter relationship is different. However, every child should be made to feel safe, loved, cared for and respected by their parents.

But, Selena, you cannot look to other men to give you what your father didn’t. It’s not fair on them and it’s not healthy for you

[selena]

I want to share a bit of my experience with CBT specialist.

Yes, I am still low, still depressed...But every day I'm feeling calmer and calmer, more and more confident, just going on and moving forward.

Meditation practice helps too. My specialist did help a lot, but I have reached myself the conclusion: just living and doing what makes me happy, so that I won't have regrets later that I haven't done this or that.

I asked him: " And if this will not take place? If I never reach ideal happiness, peace of heart and mind?"

He replied: " You lost a lot, but you are a winner too. So most of people rarely have everything. But there is always a choice, the most important is doing the things making you happy. Maybe you will have regrets, but the final conclusion is that you have done everything you considered right. Following your life path, not of the others."

I will try to keep on ...

[Strugglingmum]

I'm so glad you feel calmer and more confident in yourself. That is so positive Selena.

[Suzi]

I'm so proud of you. Are you going to continue to see him?