Selena on the Way to Wonderland *SH TRIGGERS*

[Angie]

[Suzi]

How are you doing?

[selena]

I'm slightly better today.

[Paula]

I’m proud of you - you’re getting through and that’s huge

[Suzi]

I'm glad. Are you eating? Drinking? Getting out and about?

[selena]

Yes, thanks, I'm trying to keep up with my diet.

I have seen my friend today.

[Suzi]

Good. I'm really glad lovely. It's so important right now...

[EJ]

sending hugs

[selena]

Yesterday I thought I cannot cope well enough, but I actually managed to do many things. Although I always think my mum would have done better.

Like Paula said in one of previous threads (and was perfectly right), my current decision might have an important impact on my further life.

It is hard, although I know I can manage it. I want to change my life (at least for a period).

This might seem horrible, but I do not love my Dad and I'm attached more to people here (and others) than to him. But he had not done anything for me so far, neither financially nor emotionally. I do not want to be his and his mom's nanny, nor living with them/him.
My friend warned me to read/translate carefully all acts he wants me to sign.

As for my mom, not a day without thinking about her...

Well, her consciousness was clear nearly till the end.

On Saturday morning (she died on Sunday morning), I asked her how she finds my hair style. She had been a bit numb and said: " Don't worry, the people from funeral agency will arrange it properly." But then her consciousness became clear and she told me: " Oh, no, do not follow what I said. I talked nonsense like pushing you to suicide. No."
She told me before that she has got my mental problems, to seek professional assistance if I needed it. And yes, not everyone, but a caring and loving man will accept me as I am and will help to overcome depression periods. She said she had been the last year more nasty probably because of her mood swings related to her illness and apologized.

That breaks me, I live because I want to leave my country asap.

[Suzi]

I didn't know you'd ever told her how bad you were feeling - certainly not about suicidal thoughts....

Sweetheart someone will love you because of who you are. You are an amazingly intelligent, kind, interesting, funny, loving and lovely person - the right person will be honoured to be with you - depression or any other illness or not!