Yes, I have got so emotional that I talked even to my confessor about it.
He told that well, in Christian and general view, a man should be a man, but from other side, to let the things go as they are, because he seems depressed. Just to focus on my general goals. As for my dad, he said he cannot express his despise in words.
I'm going to share something here. Marc is an atheist, I follow the Church of England faith. This is fine, it's been a little awkward for me to go to Church in the first place as I had moved area and didn't know a church around here - a few I went to were really cliquey and I didn't feel welcomed at all. Then we went to a local Church to go and take some photos and I've not been welcomed as much ever... Slowly Marc has changed from a definite "there's nothing" to a "maybe there is something" which is fab and we go together (when we're not in a pandemic) to the Wednesday morning service which is quiet and lovely.
However I do know of someone who fell in love with a guy from a different background and she moved into his flat, but any time his family were coming they had to move all her stuff out of the flat and make it look like she wasn't there...... In the end, he too chose his family and she was dumped on my doorstep in a horrific state. Later he died and she wasn't even able to go to the funeral or know where he is buried...
Hunni you get decent people and not great people in every religion, every race and every background... You deserve so much better.
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
selena (29-03-21)
I have got really attached to him, I feared losing him. But maybe it is better so.
When I went to church some days ago, my confessor was happy to see me there and asked about my travelling plans. He smiled and said that all of us should just wait a little until life gets to more normal standards. He firmly told me not to get trapped into my dad's offers, reminding me that my priorities should be put first.
I couldn’t agree more
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.
Absolutely agree with him!
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
So, I have received my first Covid jab and I am fine now.
CBT helped me, but still struggling with very bad mood swings and that feeling of being trapped.
My communication with my Dad hardly improved, he does not seem to grasp the reality at all. And honestly, after all this, I would rather visit London again than him after all our misunderstandings.
As for dating, now I can say I am not so afraid of men (more precisely of concrete men who I have communicated a little and can trust just a little).
But sometimes, "deformed" bumps into my head and I wonder if X or Y will accept me despite not being exactly slender and still having a belly. If he will not laugh at me.
I also wonder who should pay at the date. In my culture, men used to pay for everything. But if he invites....feeling uncomfortable in those moments.
I'm glad that you are doing well after your vaccination. I'm glad you had it.
I don't think that your Dad is ever going to be what you want, need and deserve... I'm sorry that he thinks it's OK to treat you so badly. Next time you come to London we'll have to arrange to meet
Hunni, get rid of that word "deformed." You are not. You are lovely, kind, intelligent, beautiful and wonderful lady who I'm really proud to know and be able to call a friend.
Don't worry about dating yet love... Just get to know someone... If he offers to pay, let him
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
I think I am doing well now, but I have been struggling the last weeks. My CBT session will restart in June.
Looking back at all bad events so far, I mean 2020 plans, now I think it is good the trip to Paris failed (except the never returned money!). Because I was too weak and I saw in a man who had the abilities of clown (but who has never even talked to me enough) my soulmate! I obviously exaggerated....And it is not about him being a bad person, but he simply does not have an appropriate emotional approach to me. Maybe that was the reason his ex broke everything with him, I have never seen him in real life, but I guess that is the key. And he was not right suggesting certain level of intimacy and knowing that I was still in deep grief. My best local friend always tried to tell me he is not for me and was so happy when everything failed, because she did not want to see me destroyed.
Why have I realized it now?
Probably because much time already passed and I can perceive the whole situation differently, one day I just opened my eyes and...
And also because I have got that the other men can make me happier, maybe not forever, but their approach is closer to me and they could listen better.
At a certain moment, I thought the men who appear in my life get better and better, my CBT thinks that is not coincidence, but the result of better self-esteem.
But I am not in a hurry because I put my mental condition and safety first. Anyway, besides some insecurities, now my main fear regarding the first real life date is fear of breaking in tears before the man X or Y.
You weren't "weak" at all. You trusted someone who you thought you had got to know. Most of us have done similar.... What intimacy did he suggest? I'm glad that you're not having anything to do with him too....
What men are in your life now?
Absolutely don't be in a hurry - you're young, you have loads of time on your side. Do not settle for anyone who isn't going to treat you like a princess.
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
selena (09-05-21)
Yes, especialy because I started talking to him a little bit before my mom's death, I think this was the main reason.
So my trip was planned in a rather quick way, but I did some mistakes, in comparison the previous trip that had been planned so good, although in a short time too. I paid for going, but doubted about the date of return. And that is good because I have never paid for return, Covid spread fast and thus I have not lost all money.
The first mistake is that I booked my flight with a private flight company with already bad reputation of money return. Just because to make the things easier for him to come, because the other airport was too far and he said it is difficult to go there. My friend told me it is ridiculous for a man to tell this, especially when fast train can get you there in a short time and I could have done everything by myself, but I was feeling broken by time. Then I even booked my stay at a hotel in his district and rather far from central Paris! Another mistake...
However, he seemed glad. One day I messaged him and told that I am not sure about the date of return as I might not have enough money. It was supposed to be a very short visit, not exceeding 4 days. He told me it is not a problem, because he will either pay for the last night or I can spend it at his place. He rented with some guys, although having his own room. From one side he said he cannot leave me alone because he should have gone to work during the day.
But he fast came with a suggestion " Let's do this way: I will pay for 2 nights so that we can spend time just we two, nicely and quiet."
I thought it is not good, just not good because I would stay for a very brief period and had other plans. He had never suggested taking me to a cafe or somewhere, just stating we would go where I want.
One of my good friends was very much against it, for which I am grateful to her. She told it is clearly a hint for sexual intercourse and he is not right. Also because I had never met him and I might not have liked him and we cannot be sure of his reaction in case of my refuse there. And I would have refused because I have my own issues and cannot imagine such intimacy in such a short period with the man I don't really know. She told me she would pay for the night, but only not him. Fortunately, nobody paid and I did not have any additional debts because Covid spread fast and the upcoming end was clear.
At that time I was feeling in loss (due to money loss), a kind of cursed person generally...but later he proved to be so wrong in many ways, not really bad, but not right for me, too selfish and I think even narcissist (this he tried to hide of course).
Only online, either local or distance, but I am not ready yet for real life meeting with someone.
Yes, that guy did not ask for any pics or something of me, like 90 % of men did, but this gesture was not nice, and some others too.
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