You are kind and lovely - definitely NOT a "bad" Christian at all!
Sweetheart it's good that you are talking about all of this, but please remember your life is not the same as hers and you deserve to follow your own path and be happy x
You are kind and lovely - definitely NOT a "bad" Christian at all!
Sweetheart it's good that you are talking about all of this, but please remember your life is not the same as hers and you deserve to follow your own path and be happy x
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
From reading Suzi's comment about you not being a "bad" christian. Can some one tell me what a good christian is?
I was thinking about you meditating and your beliefs. And a google search showed me this.
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/shoul...itat_b_9170716
And I think this shows something that we all know already here. It fits into your believe. And another thing I wanted to say about meditation. You are doing the meditation to help yourself. To get yourself to a place you want to be. Why would anyone have a problem with that?
selena (17-01-21)
I believe that being a "good" Christian is being kind, understanding, not sitting in judgement of others, being charitable - of yourself, not financially. Being honest, kind, respectful and following the ways that Jesus taught us - basically being kind....
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
selena (17-01-21)
I think you are right Suzi. That means every religious person here is a good christian. And Selena is a good christian too.
The thing is that your mothers opinions outweigh the ones I have for you. Or others on the internet. But I do think its good you are starting to look for others that share your believes and views. And I think yours are way more compatible with the ones Suzi and Paula and others express.
So, yes, but the meditation or mantra I have been listening to relates to ayurvedic, related to krishna and buddhist philosophy. The thing is that I started feeling calmer and took 2 important decisions, without any inner hysterics.
However, my independent meditation and prayer is mainly Christian.
Yes I see your point. But did Christianity never "borrowed" pagan traditions and practices? They did ages ago and that to me could be the same as this.
Suzi (17-01-21)
But I am not trying to prove a point or push any thought I have. The only thing I have is hope that you can do something you enjoy and something that helps without having a negative feeling or thought attached to it.
Although last year was very tough for me, especially sad because I lost my dearest cat, but I suddenly realized it made me only stronger in spite of being depressed.
I became more decisive in communication with my crazy difficult boss and my dad.
As for my Dad, this connection is weird, along with calling him dad over phone. No, I cannot say I love him, but tended to hope for something. Neither does he, I remind him a part of my mom and that he was "dumped", forgetting about his own errors. A family friend told me, yes, he had never hit a woman, but was a kind of gambling addict. Once he lost a game and broke the window with an object. Thus, my mum considered this impossible, along with cohabitation with a very difficult mother-in-law. If he took a woman in a house, the mother-in -law should first approve. During my last and first visit there, she considered me dangerous (surely, because I would have fought for my rights in court in place of my mom or his second wife). Then, the old one knew very well how to create conflict, raising in his son (my dad) doubts about his paternity in both cases! In my case, she stated my nose is far from family nose (although my maternal grandma has a similar nose!) ! My mom was taken to hospital while living with them due to the very low hemoglobin level! The old one asked me cynically why my mum married so unwisely second time, I provided no reply.
When I returned home, I asked my mom directly how she could have married him. She told me it was not for love, but because it was time to marry and he seemed nice.
Due to say, he made my first visit horrible by constantly bullying me for not being slender. I replied that he is not either and I would have never dated such a man either. He did not even try to hear about my medical condition. When we sat at the table, in the end his girlfriend told him I look good and to shut up. Then he started talking that people of the other race are not equal...his girlfriend once again told him that it is non -sense and God created everybody for a purpose, that every should be accepted and respected, regardless of race or sexuality. When I was home there, he often laughed on tv and calling names while seeing an overweight woman or men of another race. His mom tried to create additional conflicts between us. I asked to remain there for work, as they promised, but they lied before, the old one hoping my mom would come there leaving her mom and taking care of her! The only person with a human attitude was his silent Latvian girlfriend.
Before my mom's death, my mom praised me for dignity and for choosing to go to London (where I want) and understood I did not want to come to a place where I was humiliated. Coming back from London and meeting my mom again after visit to London was one of the happiest moments of my life. She felt not so well, but even prepared something for me!
After my mom's death, he started insisting that I immediately move there as you know. But I hesitated due to some other plans. Then lockdown came.
He often tells me about our wonderful life together and a bright future. But I am only for visit or temporary living there, not for a new life there.
I was also shocked when he once said, after I told him about my break up: "I expected you to come here living with me".
So, he fears even asking about a man in my life, the only persons being "I", "My mom", "Family".
I was disappointed, but now I make no more illusions regarding him.
Hunni, I hate to be harsh but you've not had the greatest of parenting experiences... Your Dad is nothing more than a genetic donor... You deserve so much more than you've had.
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
I am feeling better, CBT has its effects surely, but it is still very hard.
The main problem is related to nightmares with my deceased mom and grandmother. When I wake up, it seems like it had been so real, that they are still alive and nothing happened. Or all sort of patients, hospices, other a bit bloody details...This brings harsh panic attacks feeling unreal like somebody killed them and coming after me too. It is so horrible, that my breathing nearly stops and I live in fear in the upcoming days.
I think, these problems along with my loneliness made me at a certain point nearly fall into my dad's trap and lies.
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