All this situation makes me desperate and developing suicidal thoughts...

I have to go to work and well, knowing that her condition got worse, this drives me in some moments crazy.
I'm afraid that one day I return home and find her dead. I don't say that there are only bad people around, but in fact I'm absolutely alone.

My mental condition is on the edge. I'm trying to draw up a list of what to do after, but it's not easy at all to keep my mind cold. I don't want to show my tears before other people, before hypocrites...
All legal stuff was done, but it doesn't make the things easier. She talked yesterday with my Dad. He promised that I'm welcome there anytime. even if I want to move there after her death. He asked her to keep strong.
Then she told me:" Maybe I made a mistake when I divorced him. Now it's certainly he is worried about me even after many years. I was just thinking at that time his feelings had not been enough strong".
Last year we buried grandma. I cannot imagine live this again, although I should be prepared.