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Thread: Spiteful sibling causing low mood *TRIGGERS*

  1. #11
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    It's over 10 years I lost my Dad and I know how much I still feel that loss and I wasn't his main carer so I totally understand how bereavement is still so definite. Have you ever had bereavement therapy?
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  2. #12
    Sounds to me Matt as if your sister is quite insecure and a little jealous for some reason. Might be because you're doing the things you like to do and are getting along fine. So basically, she has the problem not you! Try and let it wash over you as hard as this might be. I'd also give her a wide berth when you can. The old saying is true...you can choose your friends but not your relatives!.. don't let things get in the way of you getting well. You're doing ok. Myself and my brother had a relationship like yours. He's passed on now but we didn't see each other for 13 years once! Keep doing what you're doing and enjoy life...and the football match with your nephew.

  3. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
    It's over 10 years I lost my Dad and I know how much I still feel that loss and I wasn't his main carer so I totally understand how bereavement is still so definite. Have you ever had bereavement therapy?

    Hi Suzi,

    Yes I have had bereavement counselling on a number of occasions. I lost my dad just a few years later in a freak accident. I used a local charity, private and NHS. They were all wonderful and life savers. I had a lot of misguided guilt etc as is common in grief.

    This 10th anniversary, she died on Friday 13th, just reawakens memories that have been suppressed and it's surprising how quickly one can deteriorate. As I know you guys know, it's a wound that never fully heals when you're very close to someone and have seen their suffering. I use ACT and mindfulness.

    I just didn't need her spitefully belittling me at that moment. Tbh, I think she may be narcissistic.

  4. #14
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Maybe she is struggling with it too and just doesn't know how to deal with it? It's no excuse though....
    Please always remember that I am always right. I have a framed certificate to prove it.

    When in doubt, stop and think... WWSS? (What Would Suzi Say?)
    For more info please see
    THIS thread


  5. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Flo View Post
    Sounds to me Matt as if your sister is quite insecure and a little jealous for some reason. Might be because you're doing the things you like to do and are getting along fine. So basically, she has the problem not you! Try and let it wash over you as hard as this might be. I'd also give her a wide berth when you can. The old saying is true...you can choose your friends but not your relatives!.. don't let things get in the way of you getting well. You're doing ok. Myself and my brother had a relationship like yours. He's passed on now but we didn't see each other for 13 years once! Keep doing what you're doing and enjoy life...and the football match with your nephew.
    Thanks Flo you're a star from the heavens! You're right, you have to protect your health otherwise you're not useful to anyone and can plunge quickly. Really appreciate your words! But she spots a psychological vulnerability and attacks it in a passive aggressive way. Like I said above, think she has narcissistic tendencies. Most of her close mates in her life fall out with her eventually. But enough about her!

    Take care all you angels!

  6. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
    Maybe she is struggling with it too and just doesn't know how to deal with it? It's no excuse though....

    She's a very closed book but had a turbulent relationship with my mother. I really have no clue how she feels about it but like you say, doesn't justify sustained belittling. She used to be pretty hostile and intolerant to my mum too.

    Take care

  7. #17
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Can you bypass her? As in, if your nephew has a phone could you text/call him and them get him to deal wiht your sister and asking her rather than you having to deal with that?
    Please always remember that I am always right. I have a framed certificate to prove it.

    When in doubt, stop and think... WWSS? (What Would Suzi Say?)
    For more info please see
    THIS thread


  8. The Following User Says Thank You to Suzi For This Useful Post:

    Ken Willidau (12-02-19)

  9. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
    Can you bypass her? As in, if your nephew has a phone could you text/call him and them get him to deal wiht your sister and asking her rather than you having to deal with that?
    Good suggestion. In the end it turned out reasonably well and quite paradoxical. My difficult sister was reasonably well behaved, apart from some little anger outbursts. I'm utilising a new method of PET (try not to take things Personally, don't Engage in argument and Tune out to any mutterings) She can't argue with herself but she knows my vulnerabilities. In conjunction with giving a wide birth and building up my self esteem I think it's a positive work in progress.

    The paradoxical thing was my nephew was I'll and I went to the Spurs game on my own to use the tickets!

    With releasing the memory balloon of Brighton pier in the sunshine it was a successful day. I hate lability and anticipatory anxiety.

    Thanks for all the support folks and be well.

    M

  10. #19
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Glad it was a successful day lovely x
    Please always remember that I am always right. I have a framed certificate to prove it.

    When in doubt, stop and think... WWSS? (What Would Suzi Say?)
    For more info please see
    THIS thread


  11. #20
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    That’s really good to hear
    ‘When all else fails, use glitter instead’

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