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Thread: Spiteful sibling causing low mood *TRIGGERS*

  1. #1

    Spiteful sibling causing low mood *TRIGGERS*

    Hi everyone,

    I have a long history of varying degrees of depression and a long term difficult relationship with my older sister. I am the youngest of 3 and she is the youngest sister.

    Basically the upshot is that she often says spiteful barbs to me, completely unsolicited and uncalled for. I'm not sure how to handle it. In the past I have not had face to face contact with her for months then finally reconciled with her. I have indicated to her my dislike of certain areas of criticism. I believe she is pretty unhappy and insecure and lashes out as a kind of schadenfreude to make herself feel better.

    I am in depression recovery, volunteer and do odd jobs for some income. Her criticisms are usually around money. I supposed to take my nephew to a football match next week, and she says to me I'm not a responsible adult because I don't have a mortgage or a regular job.

    This may not sound like much but when one has a history of depression and being of a sensitive personality, I find it pretty upsetting and it has caused a dip in mood and some anxiety. It undermines my self esteem and I find it very spiteful. I wish I wasn't so sensitive but I am. I consider it emotional abuse.

    I don't really no how to deal with it. Any comments? Thanks. Feeling low tonight..

    Matt
    Last edited by Jaquaia; 12-02-19 at 01:07 PM. Reason: Trigger warning added due to reply on thread

  2. #2
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    I'd find that upsetting too! Have you been able to talk to her and tell her how it makes you feel?
    Please always remember that I am always right. I have a framed certificate to prove it.

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  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
    I'd find that upsetting too! Have you been able to talk to her and tell her how it makes you feel?
    Hi Suzy, hope you're well, thanks for the reply.

    Yes I've told her about the spiteful and mean consequences many may times before. She just tries to deflect and distract and never takes accountability. To suggest I'm not responsible enough to take my nephew to a football match is beyond vicious.

    I think she has a deep seated bitterness towards me as I was the baby of the family and got attention that she had before I arrived. My point is she's a grown woman and I expect to treated the way I treat others. I'm always pleasant with her. I've had to have no contact with her for months at a time because of her abusive behavior. Pretty toxic, she's selfish too.

    Unfortunately I am one of those people in life who is pretty sensitive to barbed comments, especially from family members. I'd prefer a punch in the mouth tbh. Its also the anniversary of our parents bereavement this week which doesn't help,

    Guess I can only keep her at arms length.

    Take care

  4. #4
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    I'm sorry about the anniversary, those are so painful...
    Please always remember that I am always right. I have a framed certificate to prove it.

    When in doubt, stop and think... WWSS? (What Would Suzi Say?)
    For more info please see
    THIS thread

    SPONSOR ME HERE FOR FITNESS FEBRUARY FOR CANCER RESEARCH
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  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
    I'm sorry about the anniversary, those are so painful...
    Thank you

    What do you think a strategy I should adopt with this criticising sister?

  6. #6
    Guardian of the North and kipper holder Angie's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome
    Am sorry for the bereavement
    Blank her when she criticises you only ever respond to her when she is acting decently to you, if she asks you why tell her that when she can speak to you properly with some common decency then you will respond and leave that there may be a way to start but you know your sister and how she would react to that

  7. #7
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Actually I'd tell her how painful her comments were and state that you not having a mortgage doesn't make you any less of an adult - I don't have a mortgage, but I have a husband, 3 teenage children (including one who is now 18!) 2 dogs and a new foster one who arrived at 330 this morning..... But I'm not feeling very charitable or tactful....
    Please always remember that I am always right. I have a framed certificate to prove it.

    When in doubt, stop and think... WWSS? (What Would Suzi Say?)
    For more info please see
    THIS thread

    SPONSOR ME HERE FOR FITNESS FEBRUARY FOR CANCER RESEARCH
    Yup, that's me doing 1/2 hour of exercise every single day in February!

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Angie View Post
    Hi and welcome
    Am sorry for the bereavement
    Blank her when she criticises you only ever respond to her when she is acting decently to you, if she asks you why tell her that when she can speak to you properly with some common decency then you will respond and leave that there may be a way to start but you know your sister and how she would react to that

    Thanks Angie and Suzy. Of course you're damn right with your comments and I appreciate the input.

    I usually do give her a wide berth from devious experience as she likes to demean and make me feel worthless on occasion. It's unpredictable though and she can be okay for months but there's something bubbling under the surface. I've been very clear with her in communicating my red lines.

    I am a responsible adult, use to be at work/University. Indeed the bereavement is 10 year anniversary of my mother who had cancer I was carer for for years. Looking after an I'll person is very responsible. That's why I'm particularly sensitive ATM. I had a full on panic attack today, nearly rang 101 but am just going to meditate and deal withe issues methodically

    Very grateful for your time.

    M

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Mattypompy View Post
    Thanks Angie and Suzi. Of course you're damn right with your comments and I appreciate the input.

    I usually do give her a wide berth from devious experience as she likes to demean and make me feel worthless on occasion. It's unpredictable though, and she can be okay for months but there's something bubbling under the surface. I've been very clear with her in communicating my red lines.

    I am a responsible adult, used to be at work/University. Indeed the bereavement is 10 year anniversary of my mother who had cancer I was carer for for years. Looking after an Ill person is very responsible. That's why I'm particularly sensitive ATM. I had a full on panic attack today, nearly rang 101 but am just going to meditate and deal withe issues methodically

    Very grateful for your time.

    M
    Typo corrections, couldn't find the edit button.

  10. #10
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Well done for getting yourself through the panic attack, and with using your coping mechanisms
    ‘When all else fails, use glitter instead’

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