I am not doing well. Took the day off and have been on the couch all day feeling bad. Everybody is right with what they say about hobbies. There just is not a single one that I can enjoy just for doing it. I know its about trying to relax and doing it for the experience. But I can not do that. I have been trying all my life.
So I am trying to come to terms with that. So I am trying to enjoy just watching tv and netflix. I do think I am not capable of doing anything else.
Thanks for asking.
What is it that is stopping you? is there something we can help you target to deal with?
That would be awesome. I have had a lot of hobbies through the years. And I have stopped all of them because of the same reasons. I was pretty good at bowling. I used to write poetry. I wanted to make a blog about german U boats in the second world war. I wanted to learn. I did caligraphy. And I wanted to draw. I tried knitting. And a lot of sports. Baking etc etc.
At first I can get into it. And enjoy myself. I like figuring things out and going for them. But then I get caught up in details. And I lose myself trying to get it right. And then I can only focus on whats going wrong instead of what I am doing. I even get triggered by instagram and reddit because I am either not doing enough or its not good enough. And then I start feeling sick just thinking of it. So for me relaxing and enjoying the proces is something I can not do. And sadly you can see almost everything paired with a progressbar.
I do not know if I am explaining it in a good way.
The sad thing is that now I can not even enjoy things that should be relaxing by default. Like netflix or gaming. Because I should be productive. Clean the house. Learn something. Perfecting something. My own search for perfectionism is keeping me down.
Then the biggest question is why do you have to be perfect? Is it for yourself or are you afraid of others judging if your not? Was their something in the past that has made you think this way? And if you know that then that is a good starting point to go through and challenge. In small steps of course but it is a starting point.
That is a good question. I don't know the right anwser. But I do know that if you and me would do the same thing. Doesnt matter what it is. I would like yours and mine would be horrible. That feeling I have all the time with everything I do. So I don't know how to take small steps and get better at dealing with it.
I should just go to bed and forget it all. Sorry my mood is not to great. Thanks for your reply's Jarre. I always like and appreciate your opinion.
This appears to be something you’ve battled all your life so theres never going to be a quick answer to it. But I believe that answer is going to come through therapy/counselling. I know you’re waiting for that support so maybe it’d be better for your mental health if you try to accept that, until that support comes through, trying to force your brain to switch from something it’s always done is going to be close to impossible. What I’m trying to say is that you need to give yourself a break, stop beating yourself up and look forward to getting the help that may just help you deal with this
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.
Can I ask you something? You never have to answer... but...
What if you did something and you weren't perfect? What would be the worst thing about that?
Or what if I came to your house and caught you watching netflix and not cleaning? What's the worst scenario? I bet I can guess... but do you know what love? None of us are perfect and if I came to your house and it was a mess I'd sit with you and watch a show and then help if you wanted to, or suggest we went out for a coffee, because the state of your house isn't something that is important to me, it would be seeing you and spending time with you that would always be more important....
But I see it - Marc's always striving to be perfect too.... His psychotherapist thinks it comes from his f*cked up childhood. He'll always struggle, but he is seeing that true perfection actually isn't real..
Also did you know that when the Mormons make something they deliberately add in a mistake as they believe that the only thing that is perfect and can create perfection is God...
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
For the outside world I don't think that would matter that much. But for me it would say I am not good enough. If you would come round with the house looking like it is now I would not open the door and pretend to be out, or asleep. I know that most people do not care about things like that. But I do.
And people do say they don't care. But I have been around people enough to hear them complain and talk behind peoples backs. Oh have you seen how he was dressed lately? Wow he did not say good morning. What an attitude. Did you see his garden?
So its not that its all in my mind. People can be brutal. I try to never be that way and I am happy I am not.
One thing one of my counsellors taught me was try not to look at tasks as a whole, break them down. So with regards to cleaning, don't look at the full room, do it one bit at a time then take a break. So the bathroom for example, clean the bath and take a break. Clean the toilet and then take a break. Clean the sink and tidy round then take a break. Clean windows/mirrors then take a break. Empty bins and clean the floor. By breaking it up into small tasks rather than looking at it as the whole room, it is less intimidating.
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