not sure if this is the right place for the thread, but it's something that's been on my mind for a while.

since forever i have tried to explain my mental health to my family. funny thing is i have multiple people in my family who work in mental health, but still don't seem to believe me when i speak to them.

even after a diagnosis, even after treatment etc. (of which i had to get for myself which was hard as a kid and harder as a teen trying to convince people it's not just teenage angst) it's like there's a wall there and i can't seem to get them to listen.

i tried sending them videos and articles etc. about mental health, but it's not that they don't have the knowledge. they just don't believe me specifically.

i don't get why. i was never a compulsive liar even as a kid especially because they never listened.

yet sometimes my family will throw it back in my face when they're angry, for example, "you're a burden" "why are you laughing when you have nothing to laugh about in your state" "you'll never be able to do XYZ" "the reason i don't want you to do XYZ is because of your anxiety"

i always thought it was just my mental health but i'm finding out it also applies to physical health too. they just don't listen.

how do i break down the wall and have a proper conversation instead of a one-sided one?

perhaps if i were more independant and could do my own thing it wouldn't be a big deal, but i have a total of 0 friends, 0 partners and only family to rely on so yeah i need them a lot right now. most days i can't even leave the house let alone leave home.

it always drags me back to square one when i'm starting to move forward with my depression. i feel like i'll never escape.

i want a good relationship with my family but the only way to have that is if it's one-sided with me always apologising for what i haven't done, saying yes to everything and keeping quiet whenever everyone else makes a mistake but accepting it when mine are aired out for the whole family to see.

i do love my family, and i know everyone makes mistakes and no one's perfect, it's just hard right now for all of us i guess. but it isn't like i got ill overnight.

i don't know what to do.

i think it's worse when there's something they want me to do that i either can't do or think will be harmful. for example:

family: go for a run.

me: i hurt my ankle.

family: it'll be good for you.

me: but i was told to rest.

family: you're letting your anxiety get in the way.

me: no, i just don't want it to get worse.

family: you don't want to get better.

so i end up pushing myself to do things and often making my family feel better but myself feel worse, and there's no support for me when i feel worse after, it's just oh get over it you're being dramatic.

sigh.

sorry this post is so long.

can anyone relate?