Me, part 673 *TRIGGERS*

[Jaquaia]

Tired. Annoyed that I didn't get my work finished last week. Though that's not really my fault when my head put a stop to that. Figured out with my mum last night that it was actually a migraine, the light sensitivity, pain in my eyes and nausea should have given it away but I get them so rarely that I don't always realise until afterwards. Annoyed that I've ran out of data on my phone!!! Gone through 30gb in about 2 weeks through tethering as the internet is rubbish on a night and a weekend. Damn you Netflix/BBC iPlayer/Radio 4!!! *shakes fist*

Plan today is finish off last weeks work and tonight will be either Shakespeare and Hathaway or No Angels, probably Shakespeare and Hathaway...

[Suzi]

I have to say I'm really grateful for our super fast broadband... With 3 teens in the house who are generally all streaming/playing games and Marc and I + phones etc it's almost a necessity - without it we'd have to talk to each other!

[Jaquaia]

Well the internet has started getting rubbish so I've increased my plan... unlimited data for £20 a month. Building my credit rating at the same time so win win!!!

[Suzi]

Well done! That's awesome adulting!

[Jaquaia]

I've managed to increase my credit rating by 100 points in the last 6 months so adulting is working for me. And my loan application has been cancelled so I don't have to worry about that anymore and just reapply when next years open!

[Suzi]

That's all so brilliant!

[Jaquaia]

It feels like I finally have some control over my life

[Suzi]

That's f*ing amazing!

[Jaquaia]

Feeling a bit guilty tonight. Ash messaged me today, asking how things were going and it wasn't long before he started saying about how if I was single he would drive down to meet me and about how gutted he was that he lost me and then said that he hoped we could rekindle things one day. I didn't know how to say no without hurting him further so told him that you never know what the future holds but he shouldn't wait for me. In hindsight that was probably the wrong thing to say as I got this response "I can't do this anymore. Life is hard enough with out the women you love barely knowing you exsist. I can't be here anymore. Love you. Goodbye xx"

J has already said that his behaviour massively contributed to how things ended but it doesn't make me feel any less guilty

[Mira]

J is right. The last msg you got ended with I can't be here anymore. Love you. Goodbye.

If thats not emotional blackmailing then what is? You are so happy with J. And if Ash would respect you and your relationship he would not say any of those things. To me it comes across as selfish of him.

I do know how it could make you feel guilty. But there is nothing. Truly nothing to be guilty about. This is just more proof that at this time you are together with the best man there is. Thats J.