Loneliness *SU Trigger*

[Strugglingmum]

I'm completely in a whirl this morning.
We have a Camhs appointment. My daughter dropped a brick on me today when she commented on her way out the door to school, oh yes I better remember my food diary.
Food diary! What food diary??
I remember last time they took her to weigh her and talked about her needing to drink more. My head is spiralling. What are they not telling me?
Her weight doesn't look bad. She is a nice size and shape. she does talk about friends who have been sectioned because of anorexia but she is healthy looking. Is she bingeing and purging? is she starving herself? My mind is out of control. I honestly don't know how to do this. I'm meeting her later at the clinic for her appointment and I'm totally in turmoil. Surely they would have to tell me if there was an issue with her eating, wouldn't they?? I know she is17 but that is still legally a child. I have messed this kid up so badly maybe they dont think im a fit person to tell. Maybe they phoned her dad and he is keeping it from me too. Maybe they are all in it together and I'm just the bad parent they tell nothing to because its call my fault anyway.m

[Paula]

Woah! Stop. Breathe. There could be any number of reasons they’ve asked her to do this and it may just be precaution. Right now you don’t know why so please don’t borrow trouble. I will say, that children aged 16 and 17 are presumed to have capacity wrt their medical treatment so they don’t have to tell you what’s going on - if they haven’t told you something (if there’s anything to tell) it’s got nothing to do with whether you’re a ‘fit person’ and it’s because it’s her right to have confidentiality.

[Mira]

Paula makes excelent points. Try to breath and take it moment for moment

[magie06]

What time is the appointment? What Paula said makes perfect sense. Take a few deep breaths, it may be nothing. But I know the worry won't go away until you talk to her. It's only another few hours until school is finished. Try to be kind to yourself until then. Thinking of you.

[Suzi]

Paula's definitely right!!! I hope you've calmed down a bit by now hunni. If you have concerns talk to them at cahms about it - tell them your fears. It only works when everyone is on the same page so to speak....

[OldMike]

Paula is right she has the right to her own space, at 16/17 it is up to her whether she tells you or not. You may be worrying about nothing, have asked her about her food diary and why she is keeping one?

[Paula]

How’s things, sweetie?

[Strugglingmum]

Its all a mess.
I had a psychology appointment today so talked a lot of it through.
Apparently I have to allow my daughter to self destruct if that is her choice to do so. Apparently at 17 she has it all worked out and has the right to choose harmful coping mechanisms.
Well I'm sorry but that's a pile of .
I see a hurt damaged young girl who is frightened, feels let down and abandoned by the one person she thought she could rely on and is lashing out in her pain against herself and the world.
Apparently that's not helpful for me to think that way.

[Paula]

Yep, that is a pile of . Yes, at 17 it’s time for parents to start to step back and it’s right that she has the right to confidentiality, even from mum. But to allow her to self destruct with no input from you? No, no, no. She’s your daughter and needs you now more than ever.

[Suzi]

What a load of crap! Ben's 18 and struggling, I'm by no way going to sit back and let him self destruct! Oh hunni, that's horrible...