Depression has made me desperate **SU TRIGGER**

[c_waffle]

I've had so much help to recover, but somehow I still have days where I'm in the exact same place. Especially now. It just makes me want to talk to someone that understands.

I feel like a shell of what I used to be. Sometimes, there's nothing I think about but how to end it. I'm absolutely empty on the best of days, there's nothing that gives me any rush of emotion. Not even sadness anymore. It's beyond that. I'm so lethargic now and I feel like it's came to a point where depression is so ingrained into my everything, there's no getting out. And that's not the whole victim routine, I just don't know how to think anything else but what I'm doing still here.

I don't mean to do this, but it feels like torture to even move anymore. I'm beyond hope. I know I'm just living a façade of normality on most days, there's no 'getting out' of this. I'll always feel some degree of nothingness, even if I convince myself otherwise. I just hate myself, hate these ty feelings and thoughts, I just want to die but I can't even do that.

Please, I just need to know if there's anything out there that's worth it. Does anyone truly recover? Is it worth all this emptiness and constant pain, I just don't think so. Maybe I'm too much of a coward to face getting better