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Thread: Hello everyone, Im new here

  1. #11
    I don't like the word burden! If two people love and care about each others well being and one of them is struggling then I prefer to look at it as a challenge that both parties will deal with and overcome together. It's great that you're so close.

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  3. #12
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flo View Post
    I don't like the word burden! If two people love and care about each others well being and one of them is struggling then I prefer to look at it as a challenge that both parties will deal with and overcome together. It's great that you're so close.
    You're so right. Marc and I work together - he does the physical stuff I struggle with and I help him with the things he finds tough.. Together we make an awesome person!

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  5. #13
    I couldn't have put that better myself suzi!..2 of these -- make a +

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  7. #14
    I don’t like the word “burden” either, probably also because I just don’t see my wife that way at all and because I have always known her this way, so for me this is normal. Sadly she/ illness have been referred to as such by her family which has shaped the way she sees herself. I understand where it is coming from but it makes me resentful thinking how much worse thoughtless words can make things

  8. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by YellowStarling View Post
    I don’t like the word “burden” either, probably also because I just don’t see my wife that way at all and because I have always known her this way, so for me this is normal. Sadly she/ illness have been referred to as such by her family which has shaped the way she sees herself. I understand where it is coming from but it makes me resentful thinking how much worse thoughtless words can make things
    I agree entirely! Lack of knowledge and tact can do so much damage. Thank goodness she can rely on you for love and support. And at the end of the day that's all that matters!

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  10. #16
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    She sounds like a lovely lady. I wasn't believed by my parents for years when my illnesses started and it's only recently (last 5 years) since my Mum has had pain that she's now the fount of all knowledge and understands everything... But yes for years it was "oh your poor children growing up with you and your illnesses and Marc and his..." So hurtful and damaging and just feeds the guilt we both have every day.... However my children are amazing and very grounded and realistic and compassionate so I think we've done OK so far!

    How is your wife today? How are you?

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  12. #17
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    I hate words like burden and so does my husband - he tells me off if I say things like that. I know not everybody is interested in the Bible but one verse I love, which says it all for me - Christian or not - is Ephesians 5:28 ‘husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies’. Respect, care, love, they shouldn’t disappear because someone’s ill
    Come on everybody, join in the QUIZ, I need the competition!

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  14. #18
    Thank you very much. I think she has been feeling a bit better in the last few days, but I hope it is not driven by a bad conscience. At the weekend we had had a talk and I told her that I found it a bit difficult to deal with everything at the moment and she got upset about it, so I hope the rush of energy is not down to this. Either way there have been a few moments when she just burst out laughing about stupid things so I take it as a good sign. I have definitely been feeling more hopeful since reading your replies. It encouraged me to talk to 2 people (my boss and a close friend) because I usually keep everything to myself. I hope that you are all getting an well too, and that you arent in a hopeless place.
    @Suzi: it sounds very tough, but I understand. I have noticed that there are so many people who are unable to empathise or even to see a situation from a different perspective. It's so good that your immediate family is different though and that you understand each other.

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  16. #19
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    I'm so glad you guys are talking. I can't tell you how important that is!

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    YellowStarling (10-07-18)

  18. #20
    Well the talking has become more difficult really. The last few days have been mainly about how hopeless and pointless everything is, and how she doesnt have a purpose. I am really waiting for next week's appointment with the psychiatrist because I am really running out of things to say (since nothing makes a difference and is every idea is rejected). It turns out that I should have kept this forum and talking to a friend to myself, because now she feels confirmed that she is dragging me down...I think I will keep things to myself now because every word can cause her to feel worse.I know it's not her but the depression twisting everything into something negative but its hard to stay positive sometimes. I am not expecting a response because I am sure you have all been there, but I think I just needed to write it down because it's getting to me

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