Hi there,

This is my first post and im hoping to get some tips on how other people cope on really bad days. A bit of background:

My mum passed away a few months ago (after fighting her medical illness for most of my life) we have known and accepted she was on borrowed time and once there was no option of life saving treatment she made the decision to stop any further treatment. We respected this and she wanted to donate her body to medical science to try and give back or help someone else through research etc. I have great respect for this but we didnt have a proper funeral, just a memorial which hasnt really given me real closier I guess. While we knew her time was coming to an end for a long time it has hit me like ton of bricks. I developed anxiety in crowed places or if I gpt really stressed about something I would start to panic.
When i attempted to go back to work I had a lot of issues with management and ended up being off with stress for over a month. During this time I spiraled downwards, I would barely move off my sofa and couldnt function without having a list of things to do that day (and sometimes even that didnt help). I felt like i had cabin fever but i also didnt want to go outside.
I am now back at work but i dont feel like i can stay there (in a job i love) so im just feeling lost all the time. I dont know what im doing with my life now and i get really upset at the thought of having to leave my job but i also dont feel i can stay there because of hpw upper management treat me (and the staff) on a daily basis. This causes me to have panic attacks as i get so worked up over it and also anxiety induced insomnia (which i know doesnt help woth the depression or anxiety issues)
So between trying to deal with the death of my mother, the stuff with work and not sleeping right i just feel lost all the time and i cant seem to drag myself up out of it for days.
I also feel guilty that my husband is trying to help me (Ive told him everything and dont lie about how im feeling each day), but a lot of the time my answers are 'i dont know' and that frustrates the hell out of me so god knows how hes managing to deal and cope with me everyday.

This is both mentally and physically exhusting that im so all over the place all the time. So my question is does anyone recpgnose when they start to feel low and manage to break the downward spiral but doing something?
Im not taking any medications and would rather not go down that road after seeing other family members struggle on them. Are there any natural remedies that could help calm me or help me sleep? (nightol is becoming less effective now)

Sorry for the long post but any adivce would be appreciated.
Thank you