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Thread: A letter from Juliet

  1. #1

    Smile A letter from Juliet

    If loved could ever be obtained. Would I be alive?

    Time is said to cure all sadness, however I feel as though iím drowning in disapproval and lustful hope. However I feel wonít change the outcome to the possibility of my happiness.

    If true love exists, then why has god forsaken me to not having found it at age 21. Iím the Ďexcitingí age next week, however I feel lost and as though I havenít lived what I have forever wished for.

    Unfortunately, love and friendship seems to halt and my desire to carry on living diminishes. This is starting to sound like a suicide letter, it is but itís not an indication of me wanting to die. Far from it.

    There are so many experiences I havenít experienced. My main one is intimacy, with the special someone who would feel and care about me, more than I care about them.

    The inspiration for typing this Ďnovelí was brought by watching Letters to Juliet. I watch it every summer, every year. It gives me a look into what true love is, and I feel its power while watching it. I believe the protagonist Sophie is an INFJ like me ó this is MBTI lingo, look for it on Google.

    But moving on, I have never been kissed and itís painful to acknowledge that I have failed to retrieve someone elseís passion to include me into their heart and soul. They say that the INFJ tries to break the heart of the most vicious tyrants, and this comes into our strength in approving of all types of personalities people may obtain, apart from the selfish and those who purposefully hurt another.

    Each time iíve been in love has ended with the other disapproving of my appearance, but at-least never of my personality. I can be a golden heart who only wants to care about others, more than myself. However, when iím hurt and full of distrust, I become the most selfish person on earth, hating the world and everyone in it whose managed to achieve the feeling of intimate love.

    I donít like being gay, itís hard. From my experience of it anyway. Social Media has ripped the passion and desire for its community, which is to search for a friend and soulmate instead of wanting just sex. I would be much happier straight, I would know the right path. Marry, have kids and die old. However being gay it feels as though itís swipe left or right after youíre tired of the current date-mate.

    Iím going to keep writing as this comforts me. And for anyone out there who may feel the same way; in any way. I hope my words allow you to realise that even though it may seem your life is alone, it isnít. I know what itís like to be alone for 21 years without a significant other. And the lack of validation we hunger for due to an average appearance and quite personality. Trust me I make the effort to make friends, but my self esteem has suffered, making me question constantly if iím annoying the person that iím speaking to. How could anyone like me. I have no friends right now, so this makes me question its truth

    I lack energy in social situations, and I wish I could flick a switch to fix this. I wish I was extroverted, as this world is catered for it.

    There are many 20+ year olds who have never been in relationships, and I would love to meet every one of them. I feel out of place with those who have had many experiences, as it seems to be what people talk about the most. I donít feel like an adult, far from it. I had a vision when I was little that I would be much more confident, slimmer and busy with friends at my age, just like those of who I looked up to.

    I hunger for love, more than anything and itís awful. It makes me sound weak and dependant, to be honest I am. I lack huge social intimacy, INFJs tend to struggle with getting what they give to others, in return for something as deep and as meaningful in social conversations.

    Those on the internet will say the following advice (my responses):
    - Youíll find the one when you least expect it. (What?)
    - You donít need anyone to define you. (I know, but whatís your point, this hasnít made me feel better at all and youíre probably IN a relationship or donít care for one right now.)
    - Itís not all itís cracked up to be. (Great... but at-least you had someone who gave you their time to be with you, if not then you should know not to give me advice like this.)
    - You have to love yourself first. (Of course I do, and I do care for myself. I know that I deserve happiness, but this doesnít change the fact that I feel the way I do.)
    - You have to put the effort it. (Wow... no way really? Iím cured of pain forever).
    - Just be patient. (Lol ok would you say that to me, if you were me. No.)

    Thatís all I have for now, I hope you read all the way through and thank-you.

  2. #2
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome to DWD.
    Have you ever talked through your feelings with a Dr or a counsellor?
    Being gay or straight isn't something that is automatically going to make you happier or sadder lovely, and I know it sounds wrong, but I know that at 21 it feels like the be all and end all, but so many people have never been in a relationship or experienced intimacy by then.
    Do you have any support around you?
    Today I aim to be the best person I can be.
    That mean that yesterday or tomorrow I might be a better person,
    but today's best is more than good enough for today.

  3. #3
    Welcome to DWD! I agree with Suzi. A chat to a counsellor might do you the world of good. Try having a go.

  4. #4
    Moderator OldMike's Avatar
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    Being gay or straight or the many shades between is no guarantee of happiness, just be yourself. I've lived over 70 years and never experienced love although the dream of someone to share my life with would be nice being single isn't the worse thing in the world and doesn't make me a lesser person.

    If you feel persistently low and are having dark/negative thoughts then seeing your doctor and maybe trying counseling may help, just give it a go.
    71 and counting, less of the "Old" call me "Mike"

  5. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to OldMike For This Useful Post:

    Paula (08-06-18),Suzi (08-06-18)

  6. #5
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome. I know youíve probably heard this before but, at 20, youíve got your whole life ahead of you and you just donít know whatís around the corner. I have friends who have only found love for the first time in their 40s, and theyíd say it was worth the wait. I think we all hunger for love. It doesnít make you sound weak or dependent, only human. Do you think youíd be more confident if you were straight?
    Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe and have faith that everything will work out for the best.

  7. #6
    Guardian of the North and kipper holder Angie's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome to dwd

  8. #7
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OldMike View Post
    Being gay or straight or the many shades between is no guarantee of happiness, just be yourself. I've lived over 70 years and never experienced love although the dream of someone to share my life with would be nice being single isn't the worse thing in the world and doesn't make me a lesser person.
    IT certainly doesn't, but I would like to add that I'm really, really very glad you're in my life. I know it's not the same, but you give me so many laughs and smiles, and I know that you're always there to talk to and I seriously appreciate that. I think you're amazing. It's not the same, but you're very much another man in my life who I can't imagine not being there.
    Today I aim to be the best person I can be.
    That mean that yesterday or tomorrow I might be a better person,
    but today's best is more than good enough for today.

  9. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Suzi For This Useful Post:

    OldMike (08-06-18),Paula (08-06-18)

  10. #8
    Thankyou all for the kind advice. Unfortunatly I have had depression and anxiety for five years and have been on four different medications, along with CBT therapy, and other therapies. My illnesses will never go away, however I have learnt to accept them and acnowledge that they will apart of my life forever, and i'm okay with that. It just gets very lonely without anyone to talk to. I have a supportive family, but it would be nice to kick my legs up with people around my age to joke about life. As i've said, I lack social contact. Especially with those who like deep and meaningful conversations. This is what this forum is for I guess. So, hello everyone! Maybe we can be friends

  11. #9
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Iím sure we can be friends
    Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe and have faith that everything will work out for the best.

  12. #10
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    I'm sure we can too!
    Today I aim to be the best person I can be.
    That mean that yesterday or tomorrow I might be a better person,
    but today's best is more than good enough for today.

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