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Thread: Think I'm losing my mind

  1. #1

    Question Think I'm losing my mind

    Hi.

    I joined because I think I'm losing it. I may or may not have previously been a member on the forum, (i was a member of a forum when I last suffered with depression.) I suffered from depression a while back it was due to a host of things, being bullied as a child, lonliness and the break ip of a relationship mainly. I sought treatment, had counselling and got better. Or so I thought. Now years later I find I am struggling again.

    I have ocd, or I should say, I suspect I have ocd. I first became aware if it after my first ever car accident in 2005.

    Its highly likely, I suffer from anxiety and feel down when yhings seem too much.

    My ocd triggers with stress, it varies what causes it, driving places that I've never been to before, speed cameras (the thought of setting one off even though I drive everywhere with my sat nav on to make sure I don't speed and go steady everywhere ), the thought of getting into trouble for anything, ever.... Work (I work in education), losing my job... (I've just survived a restructure and not been made redundant) and the thought of losing my wife and son.

    My wife is getting angry with me because of how I behave when I freak out. She thinks I need help. I know she worries that my son will be like me. I do too.

    Today I bumped my car into a gate of a shop car park, I saw no damage to the gate. But I damaged my car, I freaked out. I didn't report it to anyone because I caused no damage to the gate and intend to pay for my cars damage myself. Because Its my fault i damaged my car. But this has lead me to think I'm going to end up with a criminal record, because I didn't report it. I should point out its not on a road and no other car was involved. I don't know the law when it comes to gates and not actually causing any damage, so I don't know how it works. I just went into fight or flight mode and went home.

    I feel like everytime I make a mistake, because I'm human I freak out and torture myself, I punish myself by being unhappy and worrying, this in turn makes me worry more...

    I think I need help...

  2. #2
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome. Im so sorry youre struggling and, I agree, it sounds like you need help. Have you been to your doctor? Are you on any medication?
    Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe and have faith that everything will work out for the best.

  3. #3
    Librarian and chief holder of antiquities and biscuits Jaquaia's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome. I have to agree with Paula, it definitely sounds like you need help. Can you go and see you GP ASAP?
    Tn prdu, jhami s rcbro

  4. #4
    Moderator OldMike's Avatar
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    Hi Hangetsu,

    It clearly sounds that you need help the first port of call should be your doctor if you haven't already seen to see him/her and take it from there.
    71 and counting, less of the "Old" call me "Mike"

  5. #5
    Hi and welcome to DWD. I can't add anything to what the others have said. Definitely see your Dr and tell him everything you've told us. That's the first important step. He may be able to offer you some options that will help you. Good luck.

  6. #6
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome. I agree, getting some help from your GP sounds like a good idea, but we'll help support you on the journey too...
    Today I aim to be the best person I can be.
    That mean that yesterday or tomorrow I might be a better person,
    but today's best is more than good enough for today.

  7. #7
    Thank you everyone. GP is booked for this evening. So taken that step. Apologies for the massive start to the thread. I don't know if I'll stay on the forum or not, as I don't know if I was looking to just vent or more.

    I'll see hiw I feel after the docs.

  8. #8
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    You'll be more than welcome to stay if you want to talk to those with some understandings....
    Today I aim to be the best person I can be.
    That mean that yesterday or tomorrow I might be a better person,
    but today's best is more than good enough for today.

  9. #9
    So an update...
    I went back to shop and spoke to manager, on Monday after work, once I'd calmed my OCD enough to do so, I apologised and explained what had happened, the staff were lovely, very understanding and accepted my apology for their gate attacking my car (the gate was uninjured and had no personal insurance so its not going to be paying for the repairs itself...) The manager wasn't worried about it as others have knocked the gate off entirely before, so someone bumping it and causing absolutely no damage was of course no issue... Which was a huge relief... One thing dealt with...
    Then had a very long conversation at the doctors where I explained and demonstrated my obsessive tendencies and communicated that I felt counselling may be a good idea, since I was struggling with all the "lovely experiences" that had triggered my OCD in the last couple of years and more importantly, recently.. The person I spoke to took loads of time with me and gave me contact details of counselling services to refer myself to. Which I've done. So now I'm booked for an assessment phone call in the next few weeks.
    I declined medication for now, though I was assured I could have it if I came back and wished to use it. They recommended I keep exercising like I recently started to do again, keep doing my hobbies and give myself time for me. I would be doing that this evening but I've got a lot of work I need to get done soon, so currently not hobbying like I'd like to... Though I am aiming to spend most of Saturday doing my own thing if I can.
    Had a conversation with a good friend about everything that evening and that helped also.
    So I guess I'm making positive and logical steps towards taking back control...

  10. #10
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Wow that's an amazing post!
    So glad you've spoken to your manager! That was really brave and I'm so glad they were understanding.
    Well done for talking to your GP too! It's not easy having that kind of discussion!
    Today I aim to be the best person I can be.
    That mean that yesterday or tomorrow I might be a better person,
    but today's best is more than good enough for today.

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