Hi.

I joined because I think I'm losing it. I may or may not have previously been a member on the forum, (i was a member of a forum when I last suffered with depression.) I suffered from depression a while back it was due to a host of things, being bullied as a child, lonliness and the break ip of a relationship mainly. I sought treatment, had counselling and got better. Or so I thought. Now years later I find I am struggling again.

I have ocd, or I should say, I suspect I have ocd. I first became aware if it after my first ever car accident in 2005.

Its highly likely, I suffer from anxiety and feel down when yhings seem too much.

My ocd triggers with stress, it varies what causes it, driving places that I've never been to before, speed cameras (the thought of setting one off even though I drive everywhere with my sat nav on to make sure I don't speed and go steady everywhere ), the thought of getting into trouble for anything, ever.... Work (I work in education), losing my job... (I've just survived a restructure and not been made redundant) and the thought of losing my wife and son.

My wife is getting angry with me because of how I behave when I freak out. She thinks I need help. I know she worries that my son will be like me. I do too.

Today I bumped my car into a gate of a shop car park, I saw no damage to the gate. But I damaged my car, I freaked out. I didn't report it to anyone because I caused no damage to the gate and intend to pay for my cars damage myself. Because Its my fault i damaged my car. But this has lead me to think I'm going to end up with a criminal record, because I didn't report it. I should point out its not on a road and no other car was involved. I don't know the law when it comes to gates and not actually causing any damage, so I don't know how it works. I just went into fight or flight mode and went home.

I feel like everytime I make a mistake, because I'm human I freak out and torture myself, I punish myself by being unhappy and worrying, this in turn makes me worry more...

I think I need help...