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Thread: Advice on dealing with loneliness/hopelessness?

  1. #1

    Advice on dealing with loneliness/hopelessness?

    Hey everyone, new here, just hoping for some advice if anyone can help. So my depression was triggered by my health problems. I got sick at 16, had to leave college, wasn't able to go out for weeks/months at a time, etc. I had my parents, but besides that, there was pretty much no social interaction or no going out, so that's when it started. My physical health is still bad but a lot better, I can go out more now, but I hardly have any friends, and the two I do are always busy, so still I hardly ever go out or see anyone. I'm 25 years old but the only time I go out is with my parents, it makes me feel pathetic, and when I see my brother going out multiple times a week with his friends, I'm reminded how incredibly lonely I am.

    My depression was fine for a few years, I hardly had any bad days and when I did, I could handle it quite well. But now, I just feel like there are constant reminders of how little I have to be happy about in my life, and how big a struggle it is just to feel like actually getting out of bed. I've been like this for nearly a decade, and I just feel like I'm watching my life waste away, losing years and years that I'll never get back. I'd like to join some courses and hopefully make friends, but I have anxiety too, so even that is like an extra mountain to climb.

    I don't know, I guess this is mostly a rant, but I think I just want to know if there's anything that helps you folks feel less lonely or any tips for staying hopeful or not giving into that dark hopelessness that makes you not want to even try? Today's been such a beautiful day and I could've just sat outside in the sunshine, but instead I was in bed for hours with the light off. At the very least I want to be able to not respond to my depression with spending the day in bed, you know?

    Sorry for the long post.

  2. #2
    Librarian and chief holder of antiquities and biscuits Jaquaia's Avatar
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    Are you on any meds/having any counselling or CBT? That can help enormously. Also, your local Mind can be a good place to start.

    What courses would you like to study?
    Tn prdu, jhami s rcbro

  3. #3
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    What about seeing if the recovery college has any courses you could at least start on?

    Can I ask what the physical health issue was/is? You don't have to say of course

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Jaquaia View Post
    Are you on any meds/having any counselling or CBT? That can help enormously. Also, your local Mind can be a good place to start.

    What courses would you like to study?
    No medication or counselling. I did see a therapist for a bit but I have severe anxiety as well, so it was too stressful for me in the end. Might try it again if I can, since my anxiety is a bit better now. I've been out of education for so long that I don't really want to do any proper qualification type of courses just yet, just something more relaxed. I love languages so probably a language course, maybe photography or creative writing, one of those kinds of things

    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
    What about seeing if the recovery college has any courses you could at least start on?

    Can I ask what the physical health issue was/is? You don't have to say of course
    Basically I have Celiac disease, which is an autoimmune condition caused by a gluten intolerance. It's kind of caused a lot of extra problems because it has an effect on the whole body, if that makes sense. I had to google recovery college but it actually sounds brilliant. I did want to do a course but I have anxiety so it's a scary thought, but if it's something where others are in a similar position as me, it might be less scary. Thank you

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to Corvus For This Useful Post:

    Suzi (30-05-18)

  6. #5
    Hello, and welcome Corvus. I hope you get the energy to go see a doc and get some counceling, at start it can be awful but when the form of medication and therapy working for you is found, it can feel like mountains are lifted off your shoulders. It took me years to find what works for me, but I went from a total trainwreck to something alot less dramatic. I mean ofcourse I am still a hot mess and drive my family up the walls occasionally, but life is tolerable most of the time.

    I am an introvert and have difficulties understanding what it is to be lonely, but I see how it affects my oldest son who has severe aspergers and add. It is heart breaking to see how he craves company of others, but have hard time blending In and being accepted. Sites like this Forum here are great. You can find people who get your situation. They understand how depression is nothing like simply feeling blue. I have spent alot of time reading posts here, and it blew my mind how caring complete strangers can be, and how outpouring support you can get here. I am new as well, and rarely post much. But it felt really like having another family around here. It is 5.30 am here now and I can't sleep. Reading people getting help to their stuff helps me when I can't handle myself or simply get overwhelmed with all the feelings and thoughts that got me off guard.

    I hope you feel like home as much as I do here, because this forum has helped me more than my weekly sessions with therapist. And don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful one. But getting up and going there, seeing people and having to mimic socially acceptable behaviour just takes its toll on me. Social anxiety is something I can hide, but not get rid of. And it doesn't really help being socially awkward. I can be really blunt without realising it, and people think I am a callous and mean person even I really do care and worry for others. I can write stuff better than say it, so staying home and just texting people seems to save me alot of unpleasant face to face communication.

    Please take your time reading posts here, I found them extremely helpful. People have habits and coping methods I never had even thought about, but trying them out, and modificating them was a game changer. Hope we can offer some support to you, and you find ways to ease your loneliness.

    -Sissy

  7. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Sissy For This Useful Post:

    Corvus (30-05-18),Jaquaia (30-05-18),magie06 (30-05-18),OldMike (30-05-18),Paula (30-05-18),Suzi (30-05-18)

  8. #6
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    My best friend is coeliac, she was diagnosed when she was 21 after years in and out of hospital. Shes now 48 and has managed to control her illness very effectively. Shes a teacher (and retrained in her 30s) with 2 teenage kids and is heavily involved in the Guiding association. I think what Im trying to say is that there is the possibility of hope you can control this and have the life you want.
    Come on everybody, join in the QUIZ, I need the competition!

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to Paula For This Useful Post:

    Corvus (30-05-18)

  10. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Sissy View Post
    Hello, and welcome Corvus. I hope you get the energy to go see a doc and get some counceling, at start it can be awful but when the form of medication and therapy working for you is found, it can feel like mountains are lifted off your shoulders. It took me years to find what works for me, but I went from a total trainwreck to something alot less dramatic. I mean ofcourse I am still a hot mess and drive my family up the walls occasionally, but life is tolerable most of the time.

    I am an introvert and have difficulties understanding what it is to be lonely, but I see how it affects my oldest son who has severe aspergers and add. It is heart breaking to see how he craves company of others, but have hard time blending In and being accepted. Sites like this Forum here are great. You can find people who get your situation. They understand how depression is nothing like simply feeling blue. I have spent alot of time reading posts here, and it blew my mind how caring complete strangers can be, and how outpouring support you can get here. I am new as well, and rarely post much. But it felt really like having another family around here. It is 5.30 am here now and I can't sleep. Reading people getting help to their stuff helps me when I can't handle myself or simply get overwhelmed with all the feelings and thoughts that got me off guard.

    I hope you feel like home as much as I do here, because this forum has helped me more than my weekly sessions with therapist. And don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful one. But getting up and going there, seeing people and having to mimic socially acceptable behaviour just takes its toll on me. Social anxiety is something I can hide, but not get rid of. And it doesn't really help being socially awkward. I can be really blunt without realising it, and people think I am a callous and mean person even I really do care and worry for others. I can write stuff better than say it, so staying home and just texting people seems to save me alot of unpleasant face to face communication.

    Please take your time reading posts here, I found them extremely helpful. People have habits and coping methods I never had even thought about, but trying them out, and modificating them was a game changer. Hope we can offer some support to you, and you find ways to ease your loneliness.

    -Sissy
    Yeah, I'm thinking about doing therapy again, now that my anxiety is better than it used to be, I think I could manage it and it'd hopefully help. I'm actually an introvert too. In school I used to joke that when I left, I'd live my dream life and become a recluse who never left the house. And now that's pretty much my life, and I hate it. I'm socially awkward as well and find it hard to be around people, but I miss it. It's weird. Thanks for sharing your own story and your support, I can already see how friendly and helpful everyone here is

    Quote Originally Posted by Paula View Post
    My best friend is coeliac, she was diagnosed when she was 21 after years in and out of hospital. She’s now 48 and has managed to control her illness very effectively. She’s a teacher (and retrained in her 30s) with 2 teenage kids and is heavily involved in the Guiding association. I think what I’m trying to say is that there is the possibility of hope you can control this and have the life you want.
    It's great that she's been able to control her illness and do the things she wants to do. I used to put off everything and tell myself I'd do it when I was healthy, but I've recently come to accept that I might never be 100% healthy again. I'm still trying to improve my health, but maybe I'll always be at least a little sick. So I'm going to try to take up hobbies whenever I'm able to instead of waiting for a day that might never come. But it definitely gives me hope to hear how bad it was for your friend and how she's managed to do all these things now, thank you

  11. #8
    Librarian and chief holder of antiquities and biscuits Jaquaia's Avatar
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    I totally get the socially awkward thing! Everyone at uni thought I was really standoffish as I was really quiet. In truth, I just didn't know how to talk to them as I was so shy and nervous. Faking it really helped me.
    Tn prdu, jhami s rcbro

  12. #9
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    The recovery college was suggested to my husband by his therapist and looks brilliant. It's not only for those with a mental health need, but is a group of people who want to do a course or so.

    I have friends who have coeliac and both my daughters have been tested.. There are a few of us on here with physical illnesses/disabilities too so we can appreciate how that kind of thing does impact...

  13. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
    The recovery college was suggested to my husband by his therapist and looks brilliant. It's not only for those with a mental health need, but is a group of people who want to do a course or so.

    I have friends who have coeliac and both my daughters have been tested.. There are a few of us on here with physical illnesses/disabilities too so we can appreciate how that kind of thing does impact...
    Yeah, the recovery college is perfect really, I think it'll be a bit less daunting and scary to know that many others are going through/have been through similar. Plus I think it'll be good to get out of the house more regularly and interact with more people

  14. The Following User Says Thank You to Corvus For This Useful Post:

    Suzi (31-05-18)

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