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Thread: Guilty feeling newbie

  1. #1
    Ruby
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    Guilty feeling newbie

    Hi all.
    I have visited this site and others a few times just reading what others have to go through. This is my first ever post and I feel incredibly guilty in doing so.
    It is my partner who suffers with depression, ptsd and anxiety. He has always suffered with depression and anxiety but the ptsd cane after an extended life changing stay in hospital which left him disabled. I had to give up work but now manage to work a very menial part time job. We have 2 teenage children. He is on meds and regularly see a psych but nothing is improving and it has been going on for nearly 10 years. I know what he has is an illness/disease and just because you cant see it physically doesnt mean that its not there. I suppose I just want to vent, (cry to myself) really. The mood swings are getting worse, he snaps at the children more even though they are just being teenagers and by no means being rude. I feel so sorry for them having to deal with this when they should just be enjoying life. Nothing I do makes any difference with him, he is always wallowing and I cant do this any more. Like I said I feel incredibly guilty and also selfish for posting this but I have had enough. Every day is the same, its all about him and his problems and how he is feeling. He just cant see how much me and the children are struggling too.
    I just dont know what to do any more. I feel broken.
    Sorry for the essay.

  2. #2
    Guardian of the North and kipper holder Angie's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome to DWD.
    Firstly do not feel guilty, it is hard for people to deal with and help people with depression, anxiety and ptsd, in some ways they are selfish illness' if that makes sense?
    Have you thought about seeing your gp and explaining what is happening and how it is affecting you and the children and seeing what help he can offer you all?

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  4. #3
    Librarian and chief holder of antiquities and biscuits Jaquaia's Avatar
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    Sweetheart, it's not selfish at all. You need support through this just as much as he does.
    Tn prdu, jhami s rcbro

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  6. #4
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome. We don't "do" wallowing here lol, and I promise you that you are no where near selfish and you have no need to feel guilty at all!

    Sweetheart has he ever actually come to terms with the fact that his life has changed? When did he last have a medication review?
    Today I aim to be the best person I can be.
    That mean that yesterday or tomorrow I might be a better person,
    but today's best is more than good enough for today.

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  8. #5
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Hi Ruby and welcome. Sweetie, you have just as much right to your feelings as he has to his. Being a full time carer is enormously hard and youve been doing it a long time. As Angie has said, itd be worth seeing your doctor who may be able to refer you to a support organisation, or offer other help. You dont have to do this alone
    Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe and have faith that everything will work out for the best.

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  10. #6
    Ruby
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    Thank you all for your replies and kind words.i mentioned to him before about me seeing gp as I think I need antidepressants too and he said there’s no way I am going on them too, he said him being on them is enough. It just doesn’t seem to sink in with him what an effect he has on others especially the children. My daughter has just gone upstairs in tears because he is in one of his moods and she thinks it’s something she’s done wrong. I can’t cope with him upsetting the children anymore when they have done nothing. My heart breaks for them as they have missed out on so much because of our circumstances and I wish I could do more for them. Constantly feel stuck between a rock and hard place. I can’t say anything to him as that sends him deeper into himself. I know none of this is his fault it’s the illness, I just don’t know what to do or say and I have had enough of constantly walking on eggshells and panicking in case the children make a comment that is normal to everyone else but sets him off.
    Sorry to keep moaning.

  11. #7
    Librarian and chief holder of antiquities and biscuits Jaquaia's Avatar
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    Say whatever you need to say here.
    Tn prdu, jhami s rcbro

  12. #8
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Its none of his business if you have to get help from any source, especially your doctor. Please make an appointment, lovely.

    Hunni, I suffer from mental health problems and have done most of my life. 5 years ago I had a fall which led to life changing injuries and Im now disabled. Its been enormously hard but at no point did I blame or mistreat my husband or children (who were 11 and 15 when it happened). Just because hes ill does not give him the right to act like that.
    Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe and have faith that everything will work out for the best.

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  14. #9
    Moderator OldMike's Avatar
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    Hi and and welcome to DWD you're not being selfish in the least. I can't really add anything to what the previous posters have said.

    You need to see your doctor if your health is being affected.
    71 and counting, less of the "Old" call me "Mike"
    ~~~ Please check out the latest quiz (Fun and Games > Quiz) I'm sure you'll find it fun. ~~~

  15. #10
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Paula's totally right. I am physically disabled and my husband has mental health illnesses and yes there are things our kids have missed out on, but they are now 17, 14 and 13 and I'm so amazingly proud of them. They are kind, empathetic and try to see the best in everyone.
    Sweetheart there is no excuse for him being horrible to you or your children.
    If you need to see a Dr about the way you are feeling then do that. It's not up to him whether you do or don't....
    Today I aim to be the best person I can be.
    That mean that yesterday or tomorrow I might be a better person,
    but today's best is more than good enough for today.

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