boyfriends depression breaking my heart SU trigger

[Hereforyou]

Yay.. I am super glad you think so.. I am so proud of him..

Just worried I didn't say the right things or something.. Love him so much I just want to help in whatever way I can...

Thank you very much xx

[Suzi]

Hunni, relax, chill, just be you.

[Paula]

Belated happy birthday!

[Hereforyou]

Thank you ...

[Hereforyou]

Hi all..

Sorry for adding to this thread again but I need some advice..

I am not sure what I can say to him anymore as I genuinely don't feel like I am helping...

Things weren't particularly bad after my birthday.. He seemed okay for the majority of it.. Normal ups and downs like last Thursday he was very tired and seemed incredibly down so I let him sleep when he got home from work and when he woke up he seemed okay...

On Friday however I quit my job (I have a new job already lined up which I am beyond thrilled about) but I was surprised to hear my manager ask if he can convince my mind and suddenly felt guilty like I was giving up on an otherwise good job.. I posted on to Facebook about having a difficult decision about walking away or trying harder.. But I couldn't put too much on there as my work didn't know about my other job so I left it ambiguous

My friend messaged me telling me she had seen my partner somewhere different to where he told me he was working.. So when I got home he was late home.. I asked him why he was late and he told me that he was at the site he told me he was at late (this was a lie as my friend saw him somewhere else) .. I asked him again and he lied to me again so I asked him why he was lying... He was incredibly horrible about the whole situation and acted like he didn't care that I was upset with him for lying.. In the end he told me that I should walk away like I wanted to (he had obviously seen my Facebook comment from hours before) .. I did my best to explain and convince him of the truth.. He began crying about how he is over thinking everything and feels nothing but sadness and anger... I told him that whenever he feels like something wasn't right he should have just asked me.. That prompted him to ask me why I hadn't "kissed him properly or said goodbye properly" that morning.. Again it was a simple reason of me being tired and having menstrual cramps so not feeling great.. But he had told me he had thought about that all day...

The weekend came along and he seemed genuinely okay.. We went for a nice dinner together where he said he was feeling very anxious being around so many strangers but I reassured him he didn't appear that way and that he did really well..

The only thing that seemed to bother him a huge amount was that I didn't read his text or message him back when he told me he was on his way home from work.. I really didn't understand why he got so anxious about it but he seemed really on edge about it..

Sunday he went to his mum's.. He asked me not to go with him as he wanted to tell his mum about his depression.. He asked me to wait for him for dinner but in the end it had gotten late so I messaged him asking what's happening and he told me he was in a cab home.. Again I didn't respond to this message and when he came home he was again anxious and annoyed about it..

Yesterday however wasn't great.. He seemed okay up until his paintball team started to annoy him when he tried to organise a meal with them.. We walked our dog to my parents and my mum upset me.. He then got the ump with me for being upset with my mum because I apparently "barged past him 3 times".. We were in a tiny room and I just walked past.. Despite apologising he still had the ump with me..

When I asked what had made him get so angry he said he had been like that all day and how he only feels anger and sadness.. He said tha t he started to randomly get angry yesterday whilst he was sat at his mum's and didn't have an idea why.. He keeps saying how fed up he is and how he doesn't want to give it anymore time.. I've asked him about going for private therapy or something like that and he said that he is worried they will section him... I've tried telling him that it's okay and that he will get better.. or things like I understand and he just throws it back in my face telling me that I don't understand because he doesn't even understand his head so how can I.. He gets angry when I tell him that it's okay or try to console him by rubbing his leg or shoulder but then also doesn't want a cuddle.. I just can't win.... He told me he wanted to be left alone for a bit so I left him alone and then when I went downstairs to get ready for bed he said I didn't have to go to bed yet.. So again I am like "Do you want to be left alone or not" ...

He's just so confusing and difficult right now and I feel like nothing I say is making a difference.. I've suggested going back to the doctors and he just says he might as Well wait for his next appointment.. Nothing seems to go in..

What can I do..

[Paula]

Ok, hunni, I’m going to be honest with you. First, you need to look at the big picture. To keep picking apart every single moment with him is only going to hurt. But if you take a step back to look at any changes over, say, the last week or two, you may see a true pattern emerging. If you don’t see any change, maybe talk to him about seeing his doctor again.

Re the fear of being sectioned. Tbh, there are so few psych beds available right now that you have to be really, really ill to be sectioned. I was in hospital a few years ago and I was very ill - the other patients literally didn’t see me for two weeks because I was so terrified of the world I couldn’t talk to anybody. Your bf is working, it may be hard for him but he is doing it - he’d have to get a lot worse than he is to be sectioned.

[Hereforyou]

I am trying not to and trying to look at the improvements he's making.. Like being able to be himself a bit more.. But even now I've come home and he's started having a go at me because I didn't read or reply to his message and it's the third time I've done it... I've tried to tell him he's being silly but I don't even understand what his problem is...

[Jaquaia]

Was there a reason you didn't read or reply to his message?

[Suzi]

I was wondering why you didn't reply to him too..

[Paula]

Thing is, just replying to his message will solve the problem. Yes, he’s probably acting a bit paranoid at the moment and, yes, he should trust you, but when you both are dealing with so much right now, surely just making things easy for both of you by replying is the better option ....