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Thread: boyfriends depression breaking my heart SU trigger

  1. #21
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Id say the same, my marriage is much stronger now weve been through this. But you have got to get through it first ....
    Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe and have faith that everything will work out for the best.

  2. #22
    I am pleased for you both that it has made things stronger.

    He cried again last night, he's fed up of feeling this way and just wants to get better, hes confused about everything and doesn't know what he wants or how he feels about anything anymore. He keeps saying he kisses his old self and that this isn't him.

    I feel terrible for him. I showed him a video of himself when we were on holiday, he was so happy and cheerful in the video. I told him that in time he will go back to that, but he needs to give it time.

    He's so scared and feels worthless and ashamed. I truly wish I could take all of this pain away from him and make him feel better again.

    I keep telling him to give it time and that he should allow the full 2 weeks for it to get into his system and a few more weeks to start working before he gets concerned that it's not working as that is what the doctor has told him.

    I've told him that everyone believes he will get better and that he should Trust in those around him. Constantly trying to reassure him that he has my support, understanding and faith that he will get better. I told him that together we can do this and that I am there to listen when he needs to offload. He said he's exhausted (not sleeping properly) and that he's been putting on a front recently to try and act happy.

    Are those the right types of things to be saying.? Should I be saying something different or should I be taking him out of his routine and doing things that he can enjoy?

  3. #23
    Sorry autocorrect changing "missing" to kissing.

  4. #24
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Sweetheart you know him best. There is no blanket "right" things to be saying. You are being kind and honest about how you are feeling then that's all that anyone can ask of you x
    Today I aim to be the best person I can be.
    That mean that yesterday or tomorrow I might be a better person,
    but today's best is more than good enough for today.

  5. #25
    I honestly don't know what to do right now, he doesn't know what he wants or needs which means neither do I.

    I've tried not to talk to him too much about how I am feeling, I don't want to bug him down with all of that or make things harder for him.

    I just feel so lonely around him these days, he says he cuddles me not because he wants to but because he knows I like it, and that he doesn't want to be bothered for anything, that upsets me massively because he used to hold me.

    Even the secrecy is bothering me massively, normally I would say to him if he wants me to trust him why does he hide everything and why has he changed his passwords to EVERYTHING, but I don't want to say those things right now as I don't want to make things worse.

  6. #26
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    One thing I learnt - ignoring how you are feeling and shutting out what's in your head is never going to end well. You need to say what's in your head as your feeling are just as important and valid.

    I started with focusing on the basics - making sure he's eating and drinking. Whenever I got a drink, I got one for him - whether he drank it or not, the same with food.
    Talk to him. Tell him that you want to do what you can to help, but you don't know what to do to help.

    Is he on meds?
    Today I aim to be the best person I can be.
    That mean that yesterday or tomorrow I might be a better person,
    but today's best is more than good enough for today.

  7. #27
    I am scared that telling him how I am feeling will make him feel worse.

    Yeah I've been trying to make sure all of those things, I cook the dinner and stuff to make sure he's eating something healthy. He's still suffering with his tummy and sleeping as a side effect of the meds though.

    Last night he kept talking about how he is confused about everything and doesn't know what he wants, aside from to feel normal again. Of course I know that includes me and being confused about us and wanting to still be with me.

    I've told him I am there to help and support but he's just so unsure about what he wants.

    Part of me wants to give him space and time to clear his head and find out if he really wants to be with me, but I'd feel like I am abandoning him. The other part of me wants to see it through for the meds to kick in before I make a big decision.

    Yes, he's on citalopram, it will be 2 weeks taking them on Thursday this week, of course I know that they could take 8 weeks for him to feel the affects but he's in such a rush.

  8. #28
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    But your feelings are no less important than his.
    Might be worth reminding him that he didn't get this poorly overnight and it's going to take a while to work through everything.
    Today I aim to be the best person I can be.
    That mean that yesterday or tomorrow I might be a better person,
    but today's best is more than good enough for today.

  9. #29
    Librarian and chief holder of antiquities and biscuits Jaquaia's Avatar
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    If he needs to talk to someone who understands then he could always sign up here. We have private sections we could provide access to so you can both talk without fear of upsetting the other. Sometimes, talking to someone who has suffered the same thing can help so much.
    Tn prdu, jhami s rcbro

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  11. #30
    I tried to remind him that this is equally hard on me too and he got upset so it didn't go down well.

    He looks so fed up all of the time bless him, I am trying my hardest to be positive and supportive without showing how much it's affecting me.

    He's a very closed off person, feelings aren't something that he shares (which is probably how he got like this) so this wouldn't be something he would do, I've suggested it to him but he's not comfortable with it.

    We are still waiting on the therapy as our doctors are pretty useless at doing anything and it's taken them 2 weeks to even send the referral.

    Today is 2 weeks exactly since he started the medication, should we both expect to see small improvements from now or will it take a little longer before we see any improvements to his mood.? He's still suffering with the side effects (trouble staying asleep, lack of apetite, sickness, nausea and diarrhoea) so should these at least start to go now it's been 2 weeks.?

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