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Thread: boyfriends depression breaking my heart SU trigger

  1. #11
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Sweetie, a relationship can not survive if theres no trust. Thing is, despite your assurances, its clear you dont trust him. But its also clear he doesnt trust you - else he wouldnt have blocked your access to his phone etc.

    Have you considered relationship counselling?
    Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe and have faith that everything will work out for the best.

  2. #12
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    I agree about relationship counselling...
    Today I aim to be the best person I can be.
    That mean that yesterday or tomorrow I might be a better person,
    but today's best is more than good enough for today.

  3. #13
    Moderator of Awesomeness magie06's Avatar
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    It's something that I'm going to be doing shortly. It's because during this crisis I didn't talk to my husband, and our relationship hasn't been the best because of that.

  4. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to magie06 For This Useful Post:

    Paula (17-03-18),Suzi (18-03-18)

  5. #14
    There has been trust in the past and he abused that very recently, so of course it will take time to build trust back up, whilst building it back up this has happened which has of course made things worse because I went from being the best thing in his life to him walking out claiming to need space.

    I would just really like some help and advice on dealing with the feelings that he doesnt want me anymore, he isn't interested in intimacy or being passionate and claims to want space but then says he doesn't know. That's what hurtful and upsetting, feeling as though this is my fault.

    Last night he wanted to talk and said after a week on antidepressants he doesn't feel better and doesn't think they'll work. He said that everyday he wakes up he feels 1% less of his original self, I've tried to reassure him that these things take time and asked him what I can do to help but he just seems so lost. I asked him if he wants to leave because I am not helping that he can and I will understand, we started talking abput our holiday and I tried to reassure him that he will get back to feeling happy like that again and he ended up having a panic attack (or anxiety attack I am not sure of the difference) .

    I am trying very hard to be strong for him but I don't know what's the right thing to do, give him space and time or be supportive with time.

    This is so hard ��

  6. #15
    Librarian and chief holder of antiquities and biscuits Jaquaia's Avatar
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    A week is far to early to know if they're going to work. Antidepressants take anywhere from 4-6 weeks to reach therapeutic levels so he won't see a difference yet. He needs to stick with the meds and make sure he's taking them properly and if he isn't feeling any different after a month to 6 weeks, then he needs to go back to his GP and discuss it as he may need a dosage adjustment or to try a different AD altogether. It's important that he realises that he didn't get this ill overnight and he will need time to get better. ADs aren't a quick fix, it's trial and error finding one that will work as everyone responds differently. It's not a one size fits all treatment I'm afraid.

    Could you sit and look at the Time to Change website together?
    Tn prdu, jhami s rcbro

  7. #16
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    I completely agree with Jaq. Anti d's don't work like a paracetamol, and most people get side effects when they first start taking them, but those should pass in a couple of weeks.
    Today I aim to be the best person I can be.
    That mean that yesterday or tomorrow I might be a better person,
    but today's best is more than good enough for today.

  8. #17
    I keep telling him that he needs to allow himself time to get better, I know that this isn't an easy fix and keep trying to reaffirm to him that it will take time and he just has to try (as hard as I know that is for him right now) to be positive. He just seems to be much more concerned with wanting to know what's caused it and I've told him he needs to deal with that during therapy and when he's feeling better in himself.

    I love this man, and prior to this our relationship was a very happy, enjoyable and loving one, I am trying to remember those times and trying to support him in the hope that we can get back to those times together.

    I guess I just wanted advice and guidance that sometimes when people get depression they push the ones they love away and they lose all desire to be physical and affectionate with that person, and because of that what's the best way to act with him. As we have always been very affectionate, I don't want to continue to be affectionate with someone who moves away when I try to hold his hand, for both fear of rejection and also fear of being too pushy for him right now, but at the same time I don't want to completely stop all affection if that will make him feel unloved.

    I just want to do what's best for him right now, I have asked how he wants me to be with him and he says that he doesn't know, so perhaps others might have some insight?

  9. #18
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    I remember my now husband telling me that he didn't know if he still loved me or our children. He said that nothing had changed, so he thought he probably did, but couldn't be sure. It broke my heart, but I told him that it was all going to be OK because I loved him and them enough for both of us.
    For us things have worked out and we're still together - it's not been easy and it doesn't work out for so many, but for us it did. We've always been open and honest to each other about how we feel etc.
    Today I aim to be the best person I can be.
    That mean that yesterday or tomorrow I might be a better person,
    but today's best is more than good enough for today.

  10. #19
    It's lovely that things worked out for the two of you, I hope I can love him enough for both of us.

    May I ask, when your husband felt better, was your relationship different I.e. did it go back to how it was, or was it better/worse for a time period?

  11. #20
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    It's stronger. I think we realised that if we can get through his breakdown, almost losing our home etc then we can get through anything.
    Today I aim to be the best person I can be.
    That mean that yesterday or tomorrow I might be a better person,
    but today's best is more than good enough for today.

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