Give him space and time
Give him space and time
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.
Okay.. So don't try cuddle him or anything..? I asked him if he wants me to stop all of that and he said no...??
Sweetheart, if you want to give him a hug, give him a hug.. Don't stop being you. He's with you because he loves you - not some watered down version of you. You matter too.
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
I just don't want to push it....
I understand that and it's a really tough thing to gauge, but you can - you know him and you very obviously love him...
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
Last night was very strange... Before we went to sleep he was saying how he felt like he was coming down with something and wasn't feeling too well.. So I gave him some paracetamol..
Just before we went to bed he started to complain about a tight and heavy chest and painful when he takes a deep breath... Not too long after going to sleep he started to have a very vivid and bad sounding dream.. Eventually he woke up in a panic and state of fear saying "oh no not again" ..
Apparently he had a bad dream that he used to have very many years ago (5+ years ago) about being in a "war zone" if you like (he described it as something out of independence day the film) where all of his best friends and some family members can be seen harmed and unresponsive... This time however he only saw a small number of people and they were his 3 best friends.. He also describes having someone with him in the dream saying that they're there and they're helping him but he doesn't know who it is as the voice doesn't sound real..
We laid there together for a while as he explained this dream to me and explained how it made him feel.. I suggested that perhaps he start keeping a mood diary to see if there was a pattern to how he feels in the day and when he gets these dreams so that he can show the therapist.. He said that was a good idea and agreed to do it... He said thast he had felt particularly irritated yesterday and wanted to start a fight with someone.. When he got home however he didn't want tok to that anymore which was good...
After some time we begun talking about other generic things.. I gave him a cuddle and we held each other for a bit.. He smelt my hair then kissed my forehead...
I started to stroke his back (it was always something he liked and that relaxed him) and he asked me to carry on as he fell asleep...
This morning as we were both getting up for work I sat up and laid back down with my hand next to him and he moved his leg on top of my hand so I held his leg before getting up to work...
It was wonderful to feel so close to him again........
It's amazing that he's opened up to his vulnerability to you lovely. That's a massive step forward. I'm glad he's going to keep a mood and dream diary. That's another massive step.
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
Yeah it was really lovely to lay there and just hear him talk without him feeling angry or sad....
Yeah I am really pleased.. I didn't think he would be comfortable with it at first but he seemed open to the idea which is a positive... And of course it was wonderful to cuddle up and get a kiss.... It made me feel so good especially where he didn't have to but chose to....
I'm pleased for you.
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
Thank you.....
This evening though I did come downstairs to find him just cuddling out dog on the sofa looking awfully sad and sorry for himself...
I didn't pry and just said if he wants to talk he can or if he wants to get... I asked if he wanted a hug or for me to go upstairs and leave him to it and he said no to both...
After some time he seemed to go back to being cheerful....
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