boyfriends depression breaking my heart SU trigger

[Suzi]

I adore my husband, but if I'm telling him I've had a bad day or something's wrong he never thinks about giving me a hug - I ask or just manhandle my way in there Maybe it's a bit of a "my head's so preoccupied dealing with this that I just don't think about it, but don't mean it personally" kind of thing?

[Hereforyou]

Thanks Paula and Suzi... He did give me a cuddle yes which was nice.....

Yesterday was an awful day.. I was still feeling very down about work they're making things personally about me) so didn't wake up feeling great...

By the sounds of it he didn't wake up feeling great either.. He asked me what was wrong and I told him I was still really upset about work and off I went to walk the dog.. He then went downstairs to ask my nanna if I was upset and if it was because he went to his mum's the night before.. I have no idea why he couldn't just accept that work upset me as it has been an issue multiple times in the past...

I cooked him breakfast and was fine with him until he started accusing me of interrogating him by asking about his day yesterday.... His work colleague phoned and mentioned that he was due to go out whilst at his mum's so I just asked about that as he didn't mention it to me.... Albeit he didn't go but I asked if that's why he didn't want me to go to his mum's with him as he wanted to go out.. That obviously annoyed him and he started getting the ump...

That eventually transcended into an argument sadly as he was being unfair and of course I wanted to defend myself...

A majority of the day was spent arguing as he typically took everything I was saying as a negative.. I told him that he keeps pushing me away which probably wasn't the best thing... I went round to my parents to see my nephews whilst he was out and he wasn't too happy about that.. He thought I had left him and wasn't going to come home for the night..

I asked him if he can handle a relationship right now and if he would prefer to just be friends for a bit and that upset him too.. He said he's going to see his friends in the hope that they can cheer him up because he still doesn't feel anything and still feels miserable... But he enjoyed the moment when we cuddled etc but only while the moment lasted and nothing else......

I had a bit of a chance to say how I was feeling which makes me feel a bit better.. It most probably didn't help him to hear them but I think he needed to hear them...

He said some hurtful things about how he's got depression whilst being with me and how living with me isn't helping.. But then back tracked and said how nothing is helping.. I asked if he things I've caused his depression and he said how if it was me he would have got it at the start of our relationship and not now and how if he knew what it was he would fix it...

I told him that he means the world to me and that I loved him and he said he knows but he doesn't feel like he means the world to me...

[Suzi]

Rowing isn't going to help anyone. He shouldn't say things which are hurtful or unfair - but you becoming really defensive is only going to make things worse - I know how hard it is, but you have to be able to say "I'm really not in a position to talk to you about this calmly right now" and walk away....

[Hereforyou]

No I know you're right.. It wasn't my intention at all but I was super upset and stressed with work and he defintely made me feel worse...

All was for gotten about after last night and today he seemed pretty good.. Whilst we were washing up and drying up together he said how he feels like crap.. At first I thought he meant because he had ate too much so mentioned that but he said he meant his head... I told him I wouldn't probe but I'll listen if he wants to talk.... He said how he still feels rubbish.. I told him that he seemed really good today and he said he's trying to be normal but he still doesn't feel anything... I told him he must feel something as when he thought I had left and offered my parents to look after pur dog both times made him sad.. He said he guesses but he's not sure if that's because he knows he loves us not because he feels anything right now...

I think he does want to talk but I genuinely don't think he knows how to.. He thinks this is all his weakness and that's why he shouldn't mean the world to me ....

[Suzi]

That's pretty much what Marc said to me - that he knew he had loved me and our children, that he didn't see why that would have changed, but that he didn't feel anything at that point...

How long has he been on the meds? Has he seen the dr about a review at all? Is he still having side effects?

[Hereforyou]

I am glad I am not the only one then....

He's been on them for 1 month and 3 days.. Not yet, he was due to see him on Friday last week (6th) but the doctor cancelled and rescheduled for the 13th....

He is yes, the digestive problems seem to be less bad but they are still there I.e. he still gets the tummy pain and has more frequent visits but defintely not as bad.

[Suzi]

I really think he should see the Dr asap as he really shouldn't be getting those side effects over 4 weeks into it- most negative side effects should be out of his system by about 2 weeks...

[Hereforyou]

Oh really, I thought sometimes that was just it and he would get side effects full stop...

I know he will be seeing the doctor Friday and will tell him then.. Perhaps I can mention about going to see him earlier..

I mentioned to him about a free community con selling service yesterday and he seemed open to the idea rather than point blank refusing it.. Which is positive...

I am trying to read up on depression as much as possible to try to understand what he's feeling.. There are a lot of mixed messages about the antidepressants and recovery.. The thing that scares me most about reading these stories though is that some people seemed to have told their loived ones that they're better off without them.....

I am truly hopeful that he doesn't start to think that....

[Suzi]

Yes that's true, but not in all cases.

[Hereforyou]

I hope it doesn't happen in our case .....